Honor and love
by RikuloverForever
Summary: In order to fight for her family honor, Hotaru Heiwajima took over her father place in the shinsengumi and went under squad number one under Okita Souji. She barely survived 2 months as a guy when things started to go wrong... OC x Okita Souji **Status: Ongoing
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Hakuouki characters. If I did, Meiji era will be overthrown and all my shinsengumi beloved members will live in peace. Umm... of course, I only owned my OC character which named Heiwajima Hotaru…

**god, I am soooo obsess with Okita Souji! I even read the whole real life history about him in the Edo era Wikipedia. Well, here's my fanfic about him, my cute little Souji :DD the OC's name shall be Heiwajima Hotaru. (Hotaru= Firefly, Heiwajima is a family name I got from my favourite character from Durarara!)

Chapter 1

"You should swing it this way, do it right or I'll kill you." Okita Souji, the captain of the First Squad unit, was teaching one of his members how to swing a sword, a newly recruited member. Heiwajima Hotaru, the said member, has a small build, smallest in the whole squad and is the shortest among them all. Some members sometime joked that he was actually a girl! His hair was yellow and was tied in a rather long ponytail that positioned on top of his head. And, they have been training for a whole day. Still, it seems that this kid have a long way to go before he was able to join the troop on battlefield. Why the heck Hijikata scouted on such weakling anyway…?

"_How do I know the Heiwajima actually DO have a son…?"Hijikata scratched the back of his head and sighed. "But then again, I believe that you can help him to be a man that fights protecting our country, I trust you, Souji."_ The redhead captain sighed at the vice-commander's words, "Alright, let's stop for a break." Almost immediately, Hotaru collapsed to the ground, panting and rubbing off some sweat off his fore head, "yes…sir…"

Chizuru lighten up the mood, bringing in some dango and warm tea to the training field. Most guys in the shinsengumi blushes when Chizuru did so, but not for Hotaru. He is a weird guy who won't fall for Chizuru's charm for some reason. Ignoring that weirdo, Okita thanks Chizuru and sees her smile back in reply. That girl is really something, being able to help out in the mansion full of nothing but guys.

Hotaru was trained until sunset before Okita let him go to have his dinner. Another strange thing about Hotaru is, he seems to wears his haori a bit higher, unlike Shinpachi, maybe because he doesn't have any six-packs to show off. On his way to his room after dinner and a quick shower, Hotaru flinched as he felt a shadow followed him.

"So, how's the day?" Hotaru turned to the speaker, and was relieved to found out it was only Saito Hajime, the one that got closest to him for after a few days they met.

"Saito-san!" Hotaru cried tear of joy, "you wouldn't believe how harsh Captain Okita is!"

"Now, now… " Saito sighed, "you shouldn't give up this easily, Hotaru. You are to protect this country in the time to come." Saito put a hand on Hotaru's head, "want to go patrolling together for a while?"

The air outside the mansion is far cooler than the shinsengumi base; Hotaru regretted that he didn't bring anything extra to warm himself up.

"Cold?" Saitou asked, looking down at the shivering kid. Hotaru looked up and was about to answer no, but he sneezed. Saitou just silently smiled to himself, before taking off his scarf for Hotaru.

"T-thanks… Saito-san… Are you sure this is okay…?" Hotaru blushed, slightly caressing the scarf that was put onto him. They, patrol around the town, sightseeing for a bit before heading home. Nothing much happen, except Hotaru gets to meet a few new people that live in that town like a pretty lady called herself Kaoru, a princess-like woman called O'sen and a some others.

"_Daddy, you can't!" Hotaru argued._

"_Don't tell me what I can't do!" Shizuo, the head of the Heiwajima family, also Hotaru's father, walked to the room where he keeps his katana with the aid of a stick. As he opened the cupboard, Hotaru grabbed the katana and run for the exit._

"_Hotaru come back!" Hotaru outrun Shizuo as he was unable to run that well._

"_Sorry, daddy, take care!"_

Hotaru jolted awake as his father's scream echoed in his ears. Hotaru panted, and then slowly realized that it was just a dream. After all, it's been 2 months since he was brought into the shinsengumi base with Hijikata. He breathed a sigh of relief and went out from the tatami room.

"Wow… the night air feels so great…" Hotaru closed his eyes and tilted his head a bit as he felt the cold wind breezed through his face.

"I know right? I like the night air here too." Hotaru's eyes flew open as he looked around and saw Okita sitting in front of him by the stair, "O-O-Okita-san? What are you doing there?"

"Nothing, just sitting… why don't you have a seat too?" Okita suggested with his usual huge grin. When Hotaru does nothing but standing there unmoved, Okita's grin faded. "Sit down or I'll kill you."

Hotaru gulped, debating for a while in his head whether he should do so or not, but he ended up sitting beside Okita, keeping quite a distance though. Okita sighed, pulling Hotaru close with a hand over Hotaru's shoulder, "sit closer will you?" Hotaru gaped, heart's rate increasing by every second, "umm… Captain O-Okita…"

"Hmm?"

"You can let go now." Hotaru stammered. Okita laughed and let go of the blonde. "Gee, how can you get into battle field like this…? You will only end up being killed."

"Captain?" Hotaru called, trying to get rid of the who-knows-where-it-come-from red flush on his face.

"Now what?"

"Why do you like to kill so much…?" Hotaru asked, and flinched when he saw Okita looked down at him. "I-I mean… it is fun to kill people with sword?"

"Well, it depends." Okita sighed, leaning back on the wooden extension. "Of course, for some little kids or women who don't know about fighting, they will think fighting and killing is wrong." Okita stopped for a while then continued, "And us, guys, who learn how to fight and protect our loved ones of course, would think battle is fun. As for us the more enemy we killed, the safer our loved ones would be."

"Wow…" Hotaru can't help but smile to himself. "I never knew you would think as far as that. Here I thought you only kill people for fun…" Okita smiled at Hotaru's compliment. "So… Okita-san… who's your loved ones?"

"Me?" Okita thought deep in himself for a while. "Well… for now, I might say it's Kondo-san. He raised me since I was a kid after all. How about you?"

"Umm… my mum… and my… d-dad…?"

"You don't sounds so sure…" Okita's looks softened, "did something happen?"

Hotaru sighed, "It's nothing… I just… nothing really…"

"Okay… if you say so," Okita looked bored then come up with a question, "say Hotaru, before I actually be strict with you that you are way passed your bed time…" He grinned, "why was your name Hotaru again?"

Hotaru flinched, "w-what? Wh-where do that come from?" Hotaru began to fidget with both of his index fingers. Okita continued, "I mean, Hotaru is a girl's name right?" Hotaru looked at Okita like he has a daisy growing out from his head, "what was that look for?"

"Are you kidding me?" Hotaru gives his captain a slight punch on the back, "Okay, I admitted, I got this name, a girl name because my dad always wanted a girl since I was in my mummy's womb. But it turns out I was a guy. As they getting used to call me Hotaru, I get this name, there ya go!" Hotaru stood up and back away, laughing sheepishly while scratching the back of his head, "by the way, I am not even a teensy bit look like a girl, remember that!" Hotaru ran into his room and slam closed the tatami door.

Okita stared blankly as the light in Hotaru's room went out. "What's up with him…?"

The day was so hot, everyone were in the dining room eating their lunch. Hotaru just finished his training with Okita on his 1000 swings practice. Hotaru went into his room and saw Chizuru making up his bed.

"Ah, Hotaru-kun..." Chizuru greeted, "umm... Hijikata-san asked me to clean up rooms after I finish with my lunch, and I was here on my second last room." Before Hotaru was able to say anything, Chizuru asked again, "umm... where's your laundry?"

"Oh, it's in the drawer..." Hotaru replied, sitting down while drying his hair with a towel.

_It's in the drawer... it's in the drawer... it's in the drawer..._

The words echoed in Hotaru's mind like there were no tomorrow. He was wondering what's wrong when suddenly...

"What's this?" Hotaru's eyes snapped opened. He turned to see the thing that Chizuru have in her hands. Too late, it's just too late to change it all. In chizuru's arm are small white pads that women used when they're having their menstruation period.

"Wait a minute!" Hotaru dashed over to grab the pads, crimson red blush formed clearly on the blonde's face. Chizuru was speechless as she examined Hotaru up and down. They were silenced for a while until Chizuru decided to speak up, "don't tell me... Hotaru... you're a girl?"

To be continued...

**I know, I know... it's a typical cliff hanger... I will try to improve the whole thing. But for the time being, I need inbox or reviews! I have to know if I need to continue it or not. '


	2. Chapter 2

** I lost my pen drive that I saved all my work in, and I had planned to publish this before the holiday… and the pen drive was lost! I retype this whole passage by digging out the important points from my cerebrum… so I am not sure if it was too straightforward or something… anyway, I really appreciate the previous reviews, it made me so happy when I was writing the story. All right, moving on…

CHAPTER 2

Hotaru's dad was taking a walk at their house's garden. Joining the shinsengumi… will Hotaru be alright? If he were to go visit her now, everything will end, he will reveal her. Despite his eagerness to meet his daughter, Shizuo just stay home and pray for her safety, thinking that might be the best.

"I am not!" Hotaru protested, the flush on her face growing deeper by seconds.

"You're too! You're blushing so heavily and men don't usually do that!" Chizuru fought back. After a while when Hotaru didn't say anything, Chizuru continued, "See? I was right!"

"…uh, sorry." Hotaru mumbled an apology. She is doomed, so doomed. She thought she hid everything well, "you're not going to tell anyone, are you?"

"Well… what is a girl like you doing in the Shinsengumi anyway?"

They were interrupted by a man who went into Hotaru's room and slammed close the tatami door. "If you guys continued to talk with the door opened, even the whole Japan will know." Hotaru and Chizuru looked up and both gasped in unison, "Captain Saitou?"

"Quiet down. That's why girls are hard to handle with." The purple-haired captain settled himself down and rests his katana beside him, "Don't worry, I heard it all."

"How can you tell me don't worry when you heard it all?" Hotaru stood up and walks towards the door, "that's it, I am going to tell Captain Hijikata everything and well… I am prepared for any punishment that comes." Saitou stops Hotaru by grabbing her on the wrist. "Have you lost your mind? Just sit down first, we will figure a way out of this."

"Why are you helping me, Saitou? Aren't you angry to get to know that I was actually a girl?"

"I… I know that you're a girl from the day you entered here, because your disguise can't fool me." Saitou said matter-of-factly. Seeing Hotaru didn't say anything, Saitou sighed, "or maybe, I actually recognized you because we have known each other since we're young?"

Hotaru was dumbfounded by this, "when we were… young?" she kneeled down in front of Saitou and takes a closer look at him, "I don't think I know you-"

"Crybaby Taru." is all Saitou need to say to trigger something back in Hotaru's memory.

_(Flashback…)_

"_I have to go now but I promised I will visit sometimes, Taru-chan." Hotaru remembered the boy. Short, chubby kid. With his black hair tied in a low ponytail over the right shoulder._

"_Don't you ever come back, you murderer!"She heard people called. Hotaru watched as the kid walked away, he who was forced to leave the hometown. "Tou-chan…"_

_It was in Edo, where she used to hangs out with guys a lot. And there is this one guy, the only one that she gets closest with… the one who stole away one of her loved one, in search of the meaning of true strength…_

_(End of flashbacks)_

"Don't tell me…" Hotaru moved so closed to Saitou that their noses touched, "you're… it couldn't be… bed wetter Tou-chan?"

"Eh!" Chizuru put a hand over her mouth to cover her shriek. Saitou blushed in embarrassment, in the same time happy that his childhood friend was finally able to recognize him. With a popped vein, Saitou put a hand over Hotaru's mouth, "shhh, and quiet down! Do you want to die?"

"Itch weallie chu…" Hotaru gasped through the hand, which she then pulled it off, "wow… it is you… I never thought you are that 'Saitou' from back then… you have changed a lot… even your hair colour…" Chizuru smiled and nodded at the two's reunion.

(-page breaker-)

"Souji?" Kondou walked over to the brown-haired captain, who is kneeling before him at the main gate of shinsengumi headquarter. "Hey, are you okay?" he helped Okita up and examined him, Okita just shrugged the leader off, laughing, "Don't worry, I can still live to kill."

"Really… then I guess I can leave the patrolling shift for you this evening. I am heading to Aizu now, and I am taking your troop."

"Sure, take your time…" After Kondou went away, Okita continued to cough for a while before he managed to hold it back. "Let's see who should I kill today."

"That day…. About 2 months ago… Hijikata-san comes to our hometown to scout for new shinsengumi member. Every family must send at least one man to join; able to join the shinsengumi was really a great honour to us. However, my brother… passed away and daddy- I mean my father is in no position to fight due to his retirement as a samurai over 20 years ago. He can barely walk now and he even needs the aid of a stick, I just can't let him risk his life to join the shinsengumi… and you guys can guess the rest…" Hotaru finished her story with a sigh.

"Oh… so you took your father's place and joins the shinsengumi? Wow… you're brave, Hotaru-chan."

"'chan?'" Hotaru stare with surprise at Chizuru, "hey, don't call me that, it's weird."

"Don't worry about it. We are both girls-" Hotaru quickly slapped a hand over Chizuru's mouth, "please don't say it out loud, Chizuru…"

Saitou was quiet for a moment then commented, "So it was my fault that you had to go through all these and join the shinsengumi…"

"No… Saitou it is not your fault, those were the past."

"The fault is mine… I killed your-"

"It's not your fault!" Hotaru said it loud enough to startle the other two, "I don't blame you anymore but… Forget it. Now what should I do? Everyone will find out about this eventually."

Saitou stood up, was about to leave the room, "at any rate… Hotaru, just continue to disguise as a guy, I will try to figure out a way to settle all this." Hotaru was about to protest but Saitou continue, "In your condition now, if Hijikata were to know about this, you might be given a death penalty. You don't want uncle Shizuo to let you risk your life here, do you?"

Hotaru watched silently as he leaves, "fine… I guess that will be the best… Chizuru, go and finish off your laundry already!" Chizuru giggled and went out of the room, Hotaru heard that girl greet someone outside and went out to check, it was Okita.

"Hotaru, get ready this evening, we are going to patrol, and it will only be the two of us since Kondou took our troop to Aizu." Okita said leaning against the wooden pillar in front of Hotaru's room.

"I got it…" Hotaru replied weakly. It was only half past day, but a lot had happened that tiring out her, mentally. "Captain?"

"yeah?"

"Did you just arrive? You didn't hear anything before this, did you?" Hotaru asked, feeling nervous all of sudden. _What if Captain Okita knows… what if he knows I am a… girl?_

"No, what's the matter? Is it something worth killing you guys talking about?"

"Never mind!" Hotaru went into her room, closed her tatami door with a lot of veins popped on her forehead. She sat down and tied her hair into the usual high ponytail like Heisuke did. Without the shinsengumi headband on her forehead, Hotaru's let her fringe fall freely just below her eyes, parted on the left side. "Can he stop talking about kill even for once…?"

Saitou walked, hand on sheathe of his sword, mind on the past. Hotaru had always cried in front of him, scolded by her mum, scared that puppies bite, even when she tripped and fell on her back, she cried. It was uncountable the number of times Saitou comfort her with nice words, and those moments actually made them closer, or that's what Saitou thinks for himself anyway. But ever since he saw her in the shinsengumi, she never shed a tear, not a drop. He does hear Hotaru constant complains about her work given, that's all. Sometimes Saitou wonder, if he was ever needed again… by his first love.

(-page breaker-)

"O…kita-san?" Hotaru sighed, "this is bad… so bad…" Hotaru looked around. No, there's no sight of Okita anywhere, yup, she totally lost him. Hotaru began to roam around the lively town in search of the brown haired shinsengumi captain.

"Hotaru-san?" Hotaru turned to the caller and walked over, to Kaoru. "Oh hello Miss Kaoru, did you call for me?"

"If you are looking for Okita I think he was headed on the shrine over there." Kaoru pointed up towards the steps. Hotaru thanked her and walked away. It was a long walk up the stair and Hotaru began to doubt if Okita is really on there. Why do Kaoru knows where Okita is anyway?

But all the doubts went away when Hotaru reached the top. There really is a shrine, on the outside filled with kids playing football. And Okita, under the setting sun, his hair shine in brilliant redness that makes Hotaru went out of thought for a moment.

"Hotaru?" She went back to the real world and noticed Okita was looking over at her direction. She went over to him and took a sit next to the captain somewhere by the steps in front of the shrine entrance, getting a better look of those kids. "What are you doing here alone, captain Okita? We're supposed to walk around the town…"

"This is patrolling." Okita answered, and explained further, "I am watching these kids; it's a part of our job too."

"I see… Okita… you like kids, don't you?" Hotaru was moved by the captain. They were sitting there for a while and Hotaru was getting bored. How could Okita just sit there and think it was enjoyable? When Hotaru turned to her captain, she changed her mind. Okita's emerald eyes were so soft staring at the kids, totally different when he was training her.

"…should we… join them?" Hotaru suggested as Okita was startled at the suggestion. She stood up and smiled, "come on, I know you want to."

"Well…" Okita stays in his position, unmoved. "I am not so sure about this…"

"Or are you telling me you can't even play football?"

"What did you say?" Okita stood up and run towards the kids, "you asked for it Hotaru, don't regret and cry on me when you lose later."

"Bring it on!"

Sannan went into a room that located slightly apart of the rest of the shinsengumi. Adjusting his glasses, he went into the room to check on the Rasetsu army he has been working on. During daylight, he usually keeps those people in tubes provided with artificial blood to prevent them hunting for real life blood. Sannan stopped his track at the last tube, the tube that broken into pieces of glasses, scattering the floor, "One has escaped…"

(-page breaker-)

"Hotaru-san, Okita-san, welcome back." Chizuru greeted. It was way past dinner and it was already the time where everyone was preparing for bed, "would you guys like to have your dinner or a shower? I can go make preparation for it." Okita thought for a while then answered for a shower while Hotaru went passed the girl, "Neither, I am going to my room."

"Is she okay…?" Chizuru mumbled and noticed she get a strange look from Okita, Chizuru slapped her mouth, "I-I mean… Is HE okay?"

"Yeah, he probably just tired from all the patrolling, and losses."

The blonde made her way across the captain building and arrived the first division building, settling in to her room. Once in, Hotaru lay out her futon and fell asleep almost immediately, "I am tired…"

Hotaru shifted, then slowly blinked and woke up from her tired slumber. She folded her sheet and went out of the room, it was still midnight and it was quiet, everyone is probably asleep by now. Hotaru headed over to the kitchen and looked for the food storage box, her stomach is rumbling as she skipped dinner. She found a box full of rice balls, probably Chizuru who made them before bedtime, Hotaru took two, enjoyed them with a cup of tea she made herself.

Before heading back to her quarter, Hotaru thought it might be the best if she takes a bath. After all, tomorrow is going to be another rough day training with Okita.

The tub that can usually fit in the whole first squad is empty. Hotaru made the water and filled it. She tested the water with her feet then slowly sinks in to the relaxing tub of water, the water covered up until her chest. "Ah, the water's great…" Hotaru played around with the water, applied soap on, washed her hair, and heard footsteps coming closer to the bathroom.

To be continued…

**Anyone ever watched peacemaker kurogane? Please don't confuse that Hotaru with this Hotaru, okay? That Hotaru also loves Okita Souji but she was a spy, this Hotaru is different, she is not a spy, so yeah… anyway, that anime(peacemaker kurogane) is also very awesome in its own way. Okita Souji looks like a girl :D but that's what make the anime special. Hehe, that's it for now…


	3. Chapter 3

**uhh, first, thanks for those people that inbox me and rushed me up into this. This was delayed because my qualifying result was very, super bad! (I got no.8 in mid year and dropped to no.18 during qualifying, see how bad it is?)

**then, one more thing, more like a good news? My next chapter (as in 4,5,6 etc) will be publish sooner due to my free time after exam (unless if I happened to get a job…) exam will be officially over on 18 Nov. starting on 10 Oct…

** And finally… Sorry guys, this story is taking too long… well, here's the next chapter… can't guarantee anything but I hope you guys who read this story continue to give me your support by reviews and inbox. Anyone are welcomed to review about complains or corrections too!

**actually, I have zero percent of intention to make Okita found out Hotaru is a girl in this chapter… but! Some pm and reviews kind of change my mind so he will find out her secrets in this chapter… opps! Spoiler! I'm going to stop typing A/N now…

CHAPTER 3(unedited, might edit it bit later, sorry.)

Saitou woke up by the slight noise made. The distance between the kitchen and his room were not close but he guessed it was a habit, now that he was the captain of the 3rd squad of shinsengumi, he can be easily disturbed by any noise made. He dressed up and picked up his katana, _who would be in the kitchen at a time like this and why? _

With his sword in his hand, the captain expertly reached the kitchen without a slight noise made, not waking up anyone and all, included sleeping pets and insects. Carefully, Saitou used his blade and pierced it through the opening of the door and made a small little gap.

When he looked through the gap of the kitchen door, it was only Chizuru, probably awake and preparing ingredients for breakfast. Relieved about no intruders, Saitou began to walk back to his room, and decided to check on how Hotaru is doing. _Perhaps I should request her to join my troop? Nah… all she might do is slowing me down… _Saitou thought to himself and was on his way to pay the blonde a visit.

Hotaru yelped and dived completely under the water, hiding her rubber duck that she doesn't have a chance to use, by stepping it under her left feet. _This is bad! What is captain Okita doing here! _Okita coughed after stepping into the bathroom, choked by the steam-filled air. "Who is it?"

When her lungs struggled for oxygen, the blonde emerged from the water, showing top half of her face to the brown-haired captain. "Captain, what are you doing here?" Hotaru asked, her mouth blow out water bubbles as it was under the bathwater. With all the steam trapped in the room when she bath, Hotaru hopes Okita won't find out her secret, that she is a girl in disguise.

"Oh, it's you, Hotaru. Why don't you open the window and let the steam out? It's pretty choky in here…" Okita walked towards the window, with his vision blurred caused by the steam. The captain has to grip onto the shelf and the towel hanger on the way to get to the window. Okita was about to open it when Hotaru stopped him, "C-captain! I- I like it this way. Uh…" _if the steam is out, I am a goner! It is a miracle now that he can't see me clearly in this steam…_

"Really… you love this steam huh? I guess I have to bear with it then…" Hotaru's eyes widened as she realized what Okita was doing in the bathroom. He took off his clothes and wrapped himself in a towel.

"W-wait a minute captain… are you trying to take… a bath?" Hotaru stammered out. Red flush appeared on her cheek caused by the steam, maybe not just only by that…

"What else will I be doing here? I had night sweat again…my whole body is sticky and I certainly need a bath… there a problem?" Okita asked, taking off the band that tied his hair together. Hotaru's heart skipped a beat when she saw the captain with his hair loosed.

"But… you could at least wait until I am done..."

"I don't want to. Beside," Okita went in, "what's wrong taking a bath together? We're both guys, right?"

Hotaru nodded at that and moved as far as she can from Okita. She forgot about the toy she hides under her feet and when she moves, it floats back to the surface. Okita twitched when he saw the toy, looking back between Hotaru and the duck, "what is this?"

"This is…" Hotaru started, trying to grab the duck from her position but Okita had already have the toy in his hand and was examined it closely. "… A rubber duck…"

"… What does it do?" the situation turned awkward when Hotaru didn't answer. "…does it kill?" Of course, a base filled of males like shinsengumi base will never know about what girls does in bath…

Trying her luck, Hotaru instructed Okita to let the duck go so it floats on the water. "Then you watch as it float around." she finished her explanation about the toy.

"And…?" Okita asked, staring at the duck as it moves along the wall of the tub.

"And…" Hotaru tried to think of something, "Well, you can actually make it move quicker if you do this." Hotaru used her hands and splashed the water on the duck to make it move faster. Okita watched with a sweat drop, things like this never interest him.

"Wow Hotaru I didn't know you have such a girly habit."

"This is not a girly habit…" Hotaru tried to protest but nothing comes into her as excuses. "Fine but what about it? I loves it this way when I bath so don't stop me from using a rubber duck in my bath! You are the one who want to join the bath at the first place! I-"

"Okay, okay, I got it, stop it already…" Okita stopped her and the two did nothing but stared at the rubber duck.

"Hotaru…" Okita started.

"Now what?"

"I can't see you that well because of the steam… but why is your towel wrapped up to your chest?"

"Uh… I… I…"_Think of something Hotaru, think!_ "Have a lot of battle scars so…" Hotaru bit herself, _battle scars huh; very funny…I can barely hold a sword… _Intend to light up the awkward situation, Hotaru coughed, "so… Okita-san, do you have battle scars?"

"I don't," Okita replied almost instantly, "only weak people get scars all over their body." Hotaru's eye twitched as Okita laughed, "Just kidding, don't take it seriously."

Hotaru was kept at home ever since she was a kid to train for doing housework so she was not that socialize, and they are out of topic to discuss. Okita finishes off his bath a while later and about to go away, "don't forget to drain the water after you're done, Hotaru. I will be going now, and we will be going out of town tomorrow to join up with our squad that was with Kondo."

"Understood, captain." Hotaru said as Okita slid open the door and went away. Hotaru grabbed her rubber duck and went out of the bath; the heat is making her very dizzy. She quickly drained off the wasted water from the tub and gets a fresh towel from the rack and dried herself, and put on her night wear. As she went out from the bathroom, Hotaru bumped into someone, she was about to scream when Saitou covered her mouth, "Shh~ Taru, you'll wake everyone… not that there's anyone from your squad is here in the base anyway…"

"Tou-chan?" Hotaru gasped.

"Stop calling me that…" Saitou sighed, "…did I just saw Souji walked out from here?"

"…yeah, I mean… we did bath together…" Hotaru muttered, rubbing her hair with her towel.

"Hotaru! What the hell?" Saitou exclaimed.

"What?" Hotaru shouted back, "now you are the one who is going to wake everyone up."

"That, is so not the point, girl!" Saitou said, loudly but not shouting, "you just bathed with a guy! If your father hears about this-"

"I used to bath with you everyday back in the village."

"…" Saitou blushed. Hotaru was gleaming with victory inside her as she saw Saitou lose the argument. "That was that… this is this…"

"Huh? I can't hear you, you bed wetter!"

"Shut it! I am just saying that you shouldn't just go around taking bath with just any random guy!" Saitou said with a louder but not angry tone, "me and you? We were young back then, not that we are old now, but we were kids last time. Now you are a lady, you shouldn't mix bath with guys!"

"… I bathed with my whole squad for months."

"Argh! Taru, I mean it-"

"Hajime-kun!" Sannan ran over to the two of them. "I was searching for you, didn't expect you in the first squad, we need to talk," he took a glance at Hotaru, "with privacy."

Sannan and Saitou both walked quite a distance from Hotaru and Sannan began to explain that one of his Rasetsu lab rat has escaped from the lab. Not just any Rasetsu, it was the type of Rasetsu he kept in the last room of the lab, Rasetsu that Sannan fed with green-colored ochimizu. Green-colored Ochimizu doubled the power of the original ochimizu and come with shape-shifting ability. If a person drinks it, he can transform into anyone, in anytime, at anywhere.

"This is bad, have you searched the whole base?" Saitou asked, hand on his katana and is ready to pursuit the failed experiments.

"Yes… and I doubt he transform into a guard and sneaked out, since green ochimizu contain all DNA of people in our base..." Sannan said, "Can you help me, Hajime-kun?" Saitou nodded, and walked back to Hotaru, "so, eat well, sleep well, Taru. I will be going for a while." He left before Hotaru could ask where he is going. Sannan went over to Hotaru, "it's nothing dangerous, and Hajime-kun is just out looking for some documents I lost. He will be back soon." Hotaru nodded at that and went back to her room.

"_Hotaru, you have to go to meet the matchmaker today." Hotaru's mother pleaded, at her daughter that lying on her bed looking out of the windows._

"_I don't want to; every time I went there, she paired me up with weird guys…remember the one that raise spiders as pet? And the one that believe Santa exist? I can't stand them…" Hotaru sighed, cuddling her plushy._

"_But your dad… he will be angry when he hears this…" her mum sighed, "Please don't make your dad gets angry at you again." _

"_I know! I know father will never acknowledge me as her daughter. I know I didn't reach his expectations! But what do you expect, mum? I am not brother, he is dead! I can't be like him, I am me!"_

Hotaru woke up from the sleep, "I shouldn't have sleep back after the bath…"

The next day after lunch, Chizuru was washing the laundry for everyone as usual. Not far from her, at the training ground, Hotaru collapsed on her back and pant heavily, exhausted after practice for hours.

"Come on, I thought you said you have a lot of battle scars?" Okita teased, where Hotaru pouted and stood up shakily, "shut up, this has nothing to do with that! I have been training for hours! Can we take a break?"

"No we can't, so let's continue!" Okita charged towards Hotaru as she weakly blocked the attack with her wooden sword. "Don't just dodge and block my attacks, attack me too!" Okita keep on hitting her sword with his until it slipped from her hand. Okita placed his training sword on the side of Hotaru's neck, "you lose, again. If this happened in a real battle you-"

"Could have been died. I know, I know…" Hotaru annoyingly push the sword away from her, "I am taking a break, and I will beat you, later." Exhausted all over, Hotaru swayed left and right as she struggling to the nearest porch. Okita sighed, "Walk properly or you'll-" Hotaru yelped as she tripped on a stone and fell on top of Okita, "…fall."

"Ow, ow, ow… " Hotaru hissed, "that really hurt… a lot…" when she realized she was not lying on top of grass, Hotaru opened her eyes, which her reflex actions closed them earlier.

"C-captain Okita! Sorry!" Hotaru got up and quickly went away from Okita, not bothering to help him up, which he kind of complain in a mumble and later went over to where Hotaru is. She sat on the porch near to the column so she can lean on it. She wasn't sure if her face flushed from the exhaustion from the practice, or from the fall on Okita.

Chizuru was done with her laundry so she brought Okita and Hotaru some dango and tea. When Okita realized Chizuru has no intentions of leaving them alone, he asked her if there is anything she needed. Chizuru fidgeted for a while and finally was able to bring herself to ask Okita the request she want: to join Okita and Hotaru when they go out of town later that evening, to see if there are news regarding her father. Okita sighed, thinking that she should have asked Hijikata's permission first instead of his. Chizuru said Hijikata was busy with his works and Saitou was not around, so the only person she can ask is Okita.

"Hmm…" Okita debated in his mind for a while if he should let Chizuru go or not, and come up with an idea. "Okay, you do realized we're short of people to protect you, and you need to protect yourself should something happen when we are in town right?"

"Yes, I am aware of that." Chizuru answered, her hand caressing the sword she wear on the side her waist.

"Well then, if you can defeat Hotaru here, I can let you come with us."

"WHAT?" Both of the girls screamed in unison, "You are not serious are you?" Hotaru continued. Okita smirked, "oh too bad, I am dead serious here, do or die, fight or get left behind, Chizuru."

_He can't he serious!_ Hotaru thought to herself, _is he purposely doing this knowing that I am dead tired already? If he is, I hate you captain…_Chizuru urged Hotaru to went over to the training ground, and she pulled out her sword, "… don't go easy on me, Hotaru-san"

"…okay… I will try not to…" Hotaru got her sword out too, and they begin to fight, not all serious. Chizuru was very weak in sword fighting, and she was way easier compared to Okita. Hotaru was enjoying herself in the battle until her knocked away Chizuru's sword and placed her sword on the poor girl's neck, "it's over."

"Wow… you're strong, Hotaru-san…" Chizuru panted. Okita walked over to them, "well, looks like the result is out, seems like you can't join us this evening." Okita said, as Chizuru went sad all over. Hotaru kept her sword away, "but… but captain, there might be chances Chizuru can find her father in the city!"

"And what if she gets into some sort of trouble? Are you going to be responsible for it?" Okita protested, "She even lose to you in a battle, you are like… the weakest member on the squad?"

"I will be responsible! And I can guarantee Chizuru can protect herself, when we fought just now, I feels no fear in her sword at all!" Hotaru feels like she cannot back down in that argument.

"That's what you said, talking about fear when you know nothing about battle."

"I hate you Captain, you are the worst person I have ever met!" Hotaru screamed and ran away back to her room, she was angry, at Okita, for the first time. _You never know how much I have been through to get my father's acknowledgement… you never know how hard it was to disguised as a guy when I am actually a girl… captain Okita… all you know was to kill…but you're wrong, even the weak ones can survive among the strong ones…_

That evening, Okita, who finally allowed Chizuru to join them, and Hotaru, went out into the city. Chizuru was getting a lot of fun sightseeing the lively town. Okita and the others were supposedly meet up in a shop in the city and they arrived early. Three of them were sitting down in a table in the shop; Chizuru was in an awkward situation, because both Hotaru and Okita refused to talk to each other.

"Umm… umm… I will just take a walk around until captain kondou arrive." Chizuru stood from their table and followed by Hotaru, "I am going with you," Hotaru said, since she doesn't want to stay with Okita.

Saitou searched around the city, "where have that Rasetsu gone to…?" he looked around. It was hard to find, as the only difference between normal humans and Rasetsu that drink green Ochimizu is in the eyes, which is red in color.

"Chizuru!" Hotaru ran over to her, saving her from the thugs in the shops she went in upon hearing her father's name being mentioned. "This is bad; these are shinsengumi's enemies…"

"What happened here?"Kondou and Okita's troop arrived, with Okita followed behind. They caught the thugs and the Shinsengumi learn of a Choushuu plot against Kyoto and the Emperor.

"We should heads back and forms a plan, everyone, let's head back." Hotaru went another way away from the troop. She doesn't feel like going back for now. She might need to bath with her troop, which she wanted to avoid. She planned to return late and bath alone, like always.

"Where are you going, Hotaru-san?" Chizuru asked.

"I will stay out in the town for a while. I will be back before curfew." Hotaru went back in to the town, looked around shops, brought some foods, went around helping some lost kids to their mothers, and saw Saitou walked past her into an alley. "… Tou-chan?" she followed under the moonlight.

"He is still not going to talk to me…" Okita sighed, "What have I said to make him so angry at me all of sudden?" when Okita went to Hotaru's room on his way to his, the room is still empty. Okita went around searching for Hotaru, and met Chizuru, "Have you seen Hotaru? It's way past curfew."

"I'm sorry Okita-san, he isn't back yet… I am so worried something might happen to him." Chizuru replied, she was holding some ingredients to make some bento before she went to bed. Okita was continuing on his way to his room and decide to take a look into the town for Hotaru.

Hotaru followed Saitou and finally caught up to him, "Tou-chan, I was calling for you, can't you hear-" when she went ahead and stopped Saitou from the front, Hotaru saw his eyes were not the usual color, it was reddish, and she know she was in trouble.

"You are not him… who are you…?" she backed away and realized it as a dead end. _Damn it… what happened to Tou-chan… is this him…? What am I going to do?_ The alley road was narrow and the fake Saitou now has his sword out. If she tried to run, he might attack her.

"Tou-chan…it's me, Taru… don't you know me?" the only reply she get is growl from the fake Saitou, and he doesn't have a scarf around him so Hotaru know this one is an impostor. When he charged after her and aiming his sword at Hotaru, she deflexed it with her own sword and pushed back the impostor. She tried to attack, but the guy is too fast for her, and she is in no condition to fight as every muscle in her is still recovering from her morning sword practice. _It's there any way I can defeat this guy… huh?_

Hotaru lost sight of her enemy. She looked around to search and when she turned, she felt a sword pierced her through her left shoulder.

"Fudge!" Hotaru held the impostor's sword in place with her left hand, preventing it from getting out, or going in further, although the sword had impaled her about half of its length. Panting from the pain and the loss of blood, Hotaru held her sword high with her right hand and slashed a deep cut in the impostor in front of her, a long deep cut from his left shoulder down to his waist.

The impostor had its eyes rolled back, and his purple hair turned white and his face turned from Saitou to another totally unknown stranger. Dying, he fell to the floor and struggle around before he took his last breath.

Hotaru slowly pulled out the sword impaled in her with intense pain, when its out she threw it quite a distance from her. Hotaru collapsed to the ground below her sight was slowly taken away by the darkness.

Okita looked around the town he was in that evening although now it's totally dark with most of the shops closed, "that kid has gone too far… where is he? Has he gone back to the headquarter? I guess I will be going back…" Okita begin to walk back to the headquarter.

On his way, Okita coughed and wiped some blood away with a hankie he brought around. When he unconsciously looked around, he saw a sword's hilt at the split of an alley. Curious, Okita went over and saw the sword is covered with blood. "What happened here…?"

He looked up ahead and saw two fallen people, one with white hair with wearing a shinsengumi's robe, like the other one beside it, who have a blonde hair.

"Ho…Hotaru!" Okita run over and checked the Rasetsu, "he is dead…" Okita quickly went over to Hotaru, who is unconscious and had half of her top cloth soaked in her own red blood.

"I had to stop the bleeding first…but, where is the wound?" Okita help Hotaru up in a sitting position and tried to undo her cloth so he can check her wound, and he found it, which is a deep through wound on her left shoulder. Okita tear a piece of his cloth to warp up her wound to stop the bleeding. It was then; Okita saw a very disturbing sight, when he saw her chest, which was different from guys' usual ones. Okita quickly closed her cloth back up, panting. He stood up with cold sweat all over, "H-Hotaru… is a girl?"

To be continued…

**done! That's it, sorry it was too typical… time for exam!


	4. Chapter 4

****Whooo! Exam's over, as in, well, over! Yeah, I am so happy! Here I come, Honor and Love :3**

****please do review if you cant tell between the normal writing and italic, because italic writing is for the thought of a person, normally Hotaru's, Okita's and Saitou's. yeah... watch out for the italic...**

CHAPTER 4(-unedited-)

Chizuru was by the shinsengumi gate when she saw Hotaru was carried back to the quarter by Okita. Blood was dripping to the ground every step Okita took.

"Okita-san, what happened…?" Chizuru asked, as Okita walked past her, "Oki…ta-san…?"

"..I don't want to talk about it right now, Chizuru. I might kill you if you ask anymore."

"Y-yes, I g-got it! I will go get Yamazaki-san to take a look at-"

"No!" Okita stopped her. "You alone is enough." Okita put Hotaru down on the floor of her room. "Yamazaki can't, you are the only one, Chizuru." With that, Okita left, going away from both of the girls.

Chizuru took off Hotaru's cloth until where the wound is. Chizuru saw a piece of shinsengumi's robe tied tightly around that area to slow down the blood loss.

"Don't tell me… Okita-san knew…"

_A __girl… __Hotaru… __why… _Okita thought back to all the moments they shared together, a girl's name, rubber duck, _it __sort of __makes __sense,_ and what he saw… it all connected. _Hotaru __is __going __to __be __punish __a __death __sentence __for __she __is __a __girl __that __join __shinsengumi… __wait… __if __I __don't __tell __anyone, no __one __will __know… __but… __a girl… how am I going to deal with this?_

"Hotaru…I might have to kill her myself…" Okita decided to go out for a walk, out of the base, out of his own mind of problem.

Hotaru felt all the energy being drained out of her through her blood loss from her left shoulder. She was not able to open her eyes, was not able to talk, and was forced surrendering to whoever that carry her to somewhere, heard some talking but unable to registered what was being heard. Hotaru felt like she had fell into a very deep slumber. After sometime when she thought she is ready to open her eyes, Hotaru focused all her strength in her eyes and let a little light in, she saw the wallpaper in that room belongs to her, she is back to her own room. Just then, she felt a piece of damp cloth pressed against her wound, it hurt her so bad but she is too weak to stop whoever that is doing it and Hotaru closed her eyes back into the darkness.

Saitou rushed back to the base, first thing he comes across is Sannan. "Welcome back, Hajime-kun."

"Is it true that they found the Rasetsu that I was hunting down?" Saitou asked, cannot believe he failed in searching for a rasetsu.

"Yes, it was one of Okita's man who found it somewhere near the base." Sannan explained, "After some investigation, it seems that the rasetsu have transforms into a few of our member with the DNA available in him, and the last transformation was you, Hajime-kun."

"I see… well, my job is done here. I am going to get some rest now." Saitou began heading to his room when he saw Okita walking away towards the exit gate. Okita caught a glance of Saitou, but he seems not in the mood to talk as Okita went straight ahead.

Then, continuing on his way, Saitou bumped into Chizuru, who was carrying a bamboo bucket filled with red liquid, probably some used liquid uses to treat someone's wound before.

"Saitou-san?" Chizuru wiped some sweat off her forehead, "can you help me? Please take care of Hotaru when I go to change this water in the well."

"Hotaru? What happened to her?"

"Saitou-san, you didn't know?" Chizuru hesitated for a while, and then she speaks up, "Hotaru was injured in a battle with a rasetsu just now.

"wh-what? Okay, I got it." Quickly, Saitou rushed over to Hotaru's room. _Taru..._

The blonde tried to swift in her sleep like she always does, but she suddenly felt a jolt of pain shot through her shoulder. Hotaru winced at the pain and blinked, slowly opening her eyes. Adjusting her eyes to the light, the first thing she saw was Chizuru, kneeling beside her with a piece of blood-soaked cloth in her hand.

Events before her collapse flooded back into her mind. A man, a shinsengumi member, who she thought it was Saitou, attacked her. He had Saitou's appearance, but in truth, the man has white hair and red eyes... is he really a shinsengumi member?

Remembering on how she killed him, Hotaru slowly moved her right hand to her left shoulder and let out a small hiss when her hand touched the wound. She is really wounded, well then… how did she get back? Who bring her back to her room in the shinsengumi?

"Hotaru-san, you are awake! How are you feeling?" Chizuru asked, dipping the cloth in a bucket in front of her, then retrieved back to her hand to twist it dry.

"I am fine, just a slight dizziness… " Hotaru blurted out, "Chizuru… how long was I asleep?" Hotaru had a feeling she had been sleeping longer than a night's sleep.

"Three days." Chizuru answered, "Your wound was so deep, but it had begun closing up now. It was still bleeding until last night. So it's natural that you felt dizzy from the injuries. I made some high-iron medicine with Yamazaki so you can recover faster." Chizuru took a bottle up from its place to show it to Hotaru, "Yamazaki said you have to take it once you waked up, I will go heat this up now." with that Chizuru is out of sight.

Three days of laying down on the futon… Hotaru could use a bit of walk. Struggling her way up Hotaru managed to sit up from the bed, and looked at the bucket beside her. A blood-filled bucket, her blood… she moved a hand to caress the side of the bucket.

"Are you surprised at the real fights outside the shinsengumi base?" Hotaru turned to the voice and saw Saitou leaning against her door. Seeing no reply from Hotaru and only a face of doubtful expression from her, Saitou continued, "I heard about what happened. Don't worry; I am the real Saitou, Taru."

"You… you… if you are really Tou-chan…" Hotaru started, with a feeling of relief that she is talking to a real Saitou. "Who is the one that attacked me… that one is not you, right?" Hotaru asked, looking away from the captain.

"Of course not, like I will attack you!" Saitou replied without hesitation, "I… will never do anything to hurt you, Taru. But it was my fault that the vessels run free. Sannan was asking me to capture it."

"So then, when Sannan-san was talking to you that night-"

"Yes, it was to capture that rasetsu."

"… R-rasetsu?" Hotaru repeated. She never heard of that word, but Saitou talked about it like it was a necessity for everyone in the base to know about it. Saitou took a sit beside Hotaru and explained to her what a rasetsu, ochimizu, is and the new invention, green ochimizu. At first, the information was too much to absorb but recent events has made it believable.

When Saitou was almost dome explaining, Chizuru returned with a cup in her hand, the cup have emitting hot steam from it. It was the medicine Chizuru and Yamazaki made, Chizuru carefully handed it to Hotaru. Hotaru took it in her hand, the liquid medicine smells like a lot of herbs have been mixed into it, until it have a deep brown color, and it's pretty mild.

Building up her guts, Hotaru inhaled deeply and gulped down the medicine without tasting it. But the liquid was hot so she has to slow down, and took a taste of the liquid, which is a very bad taste.

"Here, a candy." Chizuru had that prepared, and Hotaru grabbed the candy immediately and shoved it into her mouth, saturating the bitterness of the medicine.

"Chizuru," Hotaru started, "who bought me back here when I was wounded?"

"Oh, that… uh…" Chizuru was debating whether to tell Hotaru it was Okita or not, until Saitou speaks up, "it was me, of course, I was hunting the rasetsu down, remember?"

"I see…" Hotaru breathed a sigh of relief, ___Captain __Okita __isn't __the __one __who __saves __me… __he __still __didn't __know __I __am __a __girl… __what __a __relief…_

"And drink this as well!" Chizuru handed Hotaru a powdered medicine, "it's from Hijikata-san, a medicine called 'Ishida Sanyaku', it is said to be able to heal everything." Another horrible tasting medicine, but Hotaru felt better already.

"Well, I am done here." Chizuru announced, taking the bucket with her, "I have laundry to do so excuse me."

"Yeah, I have patrol duty with Heisuke, I will be going too." Saitou closed the tatami door after Chizuru and he got out. The sun was about to set anyway so Hotaru decided to call it a day and sleep back.

While patrolling, Saitou found Okita drinking in a shop. Asking Heisuke and their followers to go on without him, Saitou joined Okita in the table.

"You seems to be really down this few days, did something happen?" Saitou poured a bit of the sake to his cup and drank it in one go.

"Yeah. Something just… popped up so sudden that I don't know what to do but to drink sake to get it out of my mind." Okita said through flushed face as he drank a full cup in. "I might need to kill if it come to the worst."

"Well, you can tell me about it," Saitou ordered a few bottles more to drink, "what have been troubling you?"

Taking his cup in his hand, Okita said it as if no one will believe him, "Hajime-kun…I suspect there is a girl in my team." Saitou, who did not see this coming, choked on his sake and spit it out straight to Okita's face. Clearing his throat, Saitou murmured out, "So-sorry, it just… that's not possible." Saitou thought hard for another excuse. "It-it's still just a suspicion... it might not be real… don't keep in it mind, Okita."

"I hope so… but I saw…" Okita stopped and sighed. He could be real telling Saitou he accidentally saw he should not; Saitou will take Okita as a big pervert. "Well, hajime-kun, what will you do if you're me? Like, say, if you found out there is a girl in your group? Will you kill-"

"NO!" Saitou cut Okita off. When he got strange look from the captain, Saitou cleared his throat and continue, "I mean, uh, I will just punish that person, uh, depending on what's their motive is, until they have to dress up as guy to be in shinsengumi…." Okita was lost in thought when Saitou added, "IF there is really a girl. Okay?"

"Hmm… motive huh? Well, thanks Hajime-kun, it was a great relieve to talk to you a bout it." Okita stared out to the setting sky. "Want to head back? Kondou seems to want to have a meeting will all of us."

"S-sure." Saitou finish up his last few cups of sake and head back to the base with Okita.

_Her motive… must have been that time when she talked about her parents wanted a boy or something… *sigh* the next time we meet is going to be awkward between us… how am I going to start a conversation…_

Running footsteps, as though everyone is gathering, woke Hotaru up in the middle of the night. She sat up and realized that she can move now, thanks to Hijikata's some awesome medicine. She moved close to her tatami door and opened it, spotting of her teammate from squad 1.

"Hey Aoshi, where is everyone going?" Hotaru asked from her door. Aoshi stopped and walked closer to her, "we are gathering every man we can find, although it's only around 34 by far, excluding some who are on other missions, you and Captain Sannan."

Seeing a confused look from the blonde, Aoshi explained further that they are going to split into two teams where a group go to Ikedaya while the other Shikokuya. The objective is to catch the Chosuu people who will be going to have a meeting there. With that, he went away, assembling to the hall.

Hotaru went back into her room and pull the blanket back up. She sighed, if she join, she will only be a burden. But, staying alone in the base feels… lonely. Back at her home, when she is lonely, she can always talk to the animals her family raised. Cow, sheep, poultry and fishes. She wondered how they are doing; she left home before restocking the animal's food plate. _I __just __hope __father __or __mother __will __be __able __to __help __me __to __feed __them…_

_Okita stumbled back after receiving a harsh kick from a guy with blonde hair. Getting up to his feet, Okita coughed, and coughed, and all the blood he coughed out worries Hotaru, who was standing by the side. She didn't know how she gets there, or what is she even doing there, and she hope all these wasn't happening at all._

"_Captain! Are you okay?" she called out, but there's no voice coming out from her throat, why? What is this…? A dream? It has to be a dream! Wake up Hotaru, wake up!_

Snapping her eyes open and relieve herself from the dream, Hotaru sit up and rub off her night sweat from her fore head. 'I hope nothing happen to those that went out tonight…' she keeps reassuring herself that Okita is strong. After all, he taught her how to wield a sword, he is the one that passed his kenjutsu skill to her, the one just now, it had to be a mere dream…

_It must have been the side effects from her hunger._ Hotaru thought to herself._ Yes... the hunger makes me have all those nightmares..._ She hadn't eaten since a few days ago. Without Chizuru around, Hotaru thought she might able to find at least something edible in the kitchen. To make her way to the kitchen, Hotaru have to pass by the main gate of the shinsengumi. She saw Sannan standing there, gazing far off to quite a distant.

If Hotaru have not followed his gaze, she could have not seen a side of shinsengumi she never see before.

To be continued…

****I transferred some part from this chapter to chapter 5, since most reader is not fond of reading and will just scroll all the way down to last paragraph if I wrote too long… so yeah… hotaru with farm? no comment *cough* too much harvest moon perhaps...**

**** I started to watch Gin Tama yesterday, and it turns out there is shinsengumi in that anime too! Now I have come across a total of 5 Okita… which are:**

**1. Okita Soji- the real historic one. Read detail from wikipedia.**

**2. Okita Souji- from Himura Kenshin (Samurai X) nothing much about him in this anime.**

**3. Okita Souji- from Peacemaker Kurogane. A very feminine member of shinsengumi that carry a pig around.**

**4. Okita Sougo- from Gin Tama. A skilled swordsman and the best in shinsengumi, but prefers using a bazooka. XD always tried to kill Hijikata so he can be the next vice-captain.**

**5. Okita Souji- from Hakuouki Shinsengumi series. The best Okita ever!**

**review? :3**


	5. Chapter 5

****a bit shorter than previous one. Nothing informative, can even be skipped…**

-CHAPTER 5- (unedited)

Hotaru always thought shinsengumi was a nice troop of army that serve and protect the people under the order of Aizu. Everyone in there was so adoring and nice; they laughed and help each other out. Ignoring her dad's warning, Hotaru had taken his place without knowing anything about the shinsengumi. Hotaru swallowed hard, wandering if the troop walking towards her and Sannan is really the shinsengumi she knew.

Hijikata and Kondou, with the dawning light reflecting on them, were leading the shinsengumi back with blood-stained clothes. Their swords have already been sheathed, but Hotaru can see blood dripping off the edge of the sheath. _The outgoing and fun captain Shinpachi, gentle and caring Captain Sanosuke, even Tou-chan… they are all covered in blood…_ _and their eyes are all so serious… is this really the shinsengumi?_

Sannan bowed, and Hotaru followed, when the troop entered the gate. Hotaru gasped when she saw Okita and Heisuke and another member was carried back. Chizuru who was following the troop from the back explained everything to Hotaru, how Okita lost to a guy called Kazama and Heisuke lost to a guy called Amagari. And, a member was dead when fighting, with that the incident is named Ikedaya incident.

A few days passed, the shinsengumi did nothing but healing their injuries.

_Sigh… Almost everyone is injured…_ Hotaru sighed, carrying a basket of herbs with her. She has been bringing herbs to Chizuru and Yamazaki the whole morning and afternoon to treat the wounded. The sun is setting and this might be the last round of herb Chizuru needed.

"Is captain Okita going to be alright?" Hotaru asked when she put down the basket, _all of this seems to be connected to the dream I had a few nights ago..._

"I hope so, his injuries was so severed…" Chizuru sighed, wiping some sweat off her fore head, "Yamazaki is taking care of him so everything will be alright." Chizuru examined the herbs, "uh, Hotaru, where is obezusunari weed?"

"Oh, uh, that… umm… I guessed it was left back in the store…? I'll go get it." Hotaru emptied the basket and began to head back to the store room where they keep all the herbs, how can she forget a single item on the list. _Huff… huff… they are all so green and cute… but why are herbs and weed so heavy…? Now I have to go all the way back to Chizuru again… sigh…_

"Taru." The name caught her attention; Hotaru turned to the voice, and then happily called back, "Tou-chan!"

"Argh, its Saitou, Saitou! Don't ever called me Tou-chan again, got it?" Saitou veins popped.

"Got it, Tou-chan!" Hotaru laughed.

"I give up… what are you doing?" he eyed the basket she is carrying.

"Helping Chizuru to get some herbs she need. My back is starting to ache because of the carrying all day." The blond pouted in chibi, pushing the basket to Saitou, "carry it for a change, my shoulder is still hurting from the wound."

"How girly…" Saitou bluntly commented.

"Shut up, I am one after all." When she realized what she said, she takes it back, "uh, forget what I said."

"Speaking about that…" Saitou thought for a while. "You should act more like a guy. There is a person suspect you are a woman, you know."

"Wh-what?" Hotaru's eyes widened, "who?"

"Nah, I am not telling you, you will bind to find it out someday so good bye, continue working hard." Saitou said, walking away, waving a hand to Hotaru, who standing confusedly at the back.

"H-hey!" Hotaru called but Saitou never turned back, "who would suspect me being a woman…?"

Night came, although Hotaru knows nothing about medics, she has done a lot of cleaning back at home. With most of her comrades injured, she was being in charge of cleaning the base. The base was so big that Hotaru thought it might take forever to clean it up.

_A girl… damn, I keep having this distracting my mind when I am fighting that guy back at Ikedaya… _Okita thought and looked into the night sky. He woke up and took a bath, and now drying his hair at squad 1 quarter's porch.

"Oh, captain Okita, are you okay already?" Hotaru called. Okita was surprised at the voice. _Hotaru… _"H-h-h-Hotaru, what are you doing here?" Okita stammered, "Y-you…"

"Don't be so rude! Why can't I be here? You don't own this place, and this porch. I am free to sit on it too." Hotaru took a sit next to Okita, "I was cleaning. They give me a lot of cleaning to do despite my back pain..."

"Back pain….? What have you been doing?" the captain took the towel off his head and tired his hair into the usual bun.

"Carrying herbs to treat the wounded. I never knew those supplements were so heavy." Hotaru complained.

"How girl-" Okita stopped.

"Did you say something?" Hotaru looked at him, "captain?"

"Uh, don't mind me." Okita turned away, _damn; I almost revealed that I know she is a girl… I might have to kill myself if that happens… _"By the way, Hotaru, why did you decide to join the shinsengumi again?"

Hotaru thought for a while, "I don't really know." She gives out a sigh, "I have failed my parent's expectation…" _like getting married and staring my own family… _"And, Hijikata was there the other day to recruit a man from every family," _like my dead brother or my old father who is using a stick… _"It just happened, I guess. How about you, Okita-san?"

"Well, Kondou-san took me in while I was a kid; he taught me some sword technique, so I guess I grew up here as a shinsengumi member…" Okita said, and then sweat dropped, _why did the topic turned to my life? _"Uh, it's getting late, wake up early tomorrow for some training, we will be off for patrolling."

"How about your wound?" Hotaru asked, getting up and was going to finish up he chores.

"I am well enough to kill you now." Okita said, walking back to his room, "Hijikata-san medic did his job, so it's no big deal, good night."

"Good night…" Hotaru mumbled, _why am I so nervous when sitting beside him…?_

To be continued…

****this chapter is sort of made up from little bit of ending I cut off at chapter 4, and the little bit of beginning I took from chapter 6… so it's not a long chapter.**

****obezusunari weed? I got that from Naruto ultimate ninja 5.**

**Review? :3**


	6. Chapter 6

****it took a while for me to get inspired, by playing online games like crystal saga, watching B2st variety shows, Korean drama, anime(Gintama), listening to songs… hahaha… **

****I mistyped 'shinsengumi' for 'shinigami' a lot of times, and edited most. There might still have some mistakes left, sorry…. Will edit ASAP when I spot it! They sounded the same seriously…**

****DO YOU KNOW? Nara Shikamaru and Okita Souji and Ingway share the same voice actor! I thought they sounds the same so I google it out and confirmed it, so happy… his voice is so recognizable! **

****it was my birthday a few days ago so I was busy… celebrating. Watched mission impossible 4, nice movie…Tom Cruise! Well, on to work now, have to deepen Hotaru and Okita's feeling step by steps!**

CHAPTER 6(unedited)

Today was another ordinary day in shinsengumi. Everyone woke up early to practice and hone their skills, doing sparring and doing shopping for meals. Most are healed from injuries they got. And it was the last day of Gion festival. Somewhere in the middle of noon, Saitou had sought Hotaru out and offered to take her to the Gion festival later in the night.

Hotaru could not wait. After all manly in the base for months, she can finally enjoy a festival with only her and Saitou; it was only with him she can relieve from acting like a guy. It was evening when squad one was being schedule to look over the city.

"Captain…" Hotaru who was walking beside Okita and a few other members speaks up, "don't you think people are avoiding us lately?"

_Like how I have been avoiding you if there is no patrol going on, yeah._ Okita sighed, "probably because of the recent Ikedaya incident. They are now afraid of us; we have become a very terrifying troop. I wondered how Sanosuke and Shinpachi's side are doing…"

"WHAT'S THAT, YOU PICKING A FIGHT WITH ME YOU SHOUNATE DOGS?" Hotaru winced at the loudness of the scream and turned around. Their squad members, fell way behind, was facing a group of tough-looking-thugs.

"This is bad… it will worsen our situation if we ever start a fight here… what should we do, captain…?" Hotaru half-pull her sword out when Okita stops her, "you will just get killed."

"You guys, cut it out," OKita ordered, "I'll kill you if you guys don't back off." The members quietly backed away back behind Okita. The thugs' leader spit hard on to the ground and they went away.

Okita looked at the darkening sky, "you know what? Let's just call it a day guys, let's head back to the base." Everyone obeyed and went back. Okita was heading to the captain's dining room when he was stopped by Hijikata, "geez that Shinpachi and Sanosuke… Souji, I need you to do me a favor after dinner."

Once back, everyone went for dinner while Hotaru quickly took a bath to avoid group-bathing. Once she is done, she dress in her usual man-kimono excluding the shinsengumi robe, the robe was for mission purposes anyway. As she make her way to Saitou's room, she saw Saitou got out, all dress up with shinsengumi robe.

"Tou-chan… mission?" Hotaru called after him.

"Huh, oh Taru. Yeah, sorry, I can't go to the festival with you. This is important mission Hijikata assigned to me."

"I get it…" Hotaru was stiffed when she said that, "good luck on our job." She walked away, fist clenching in anger. "I was so looking forward to this…"

"I will make it up next time, I promise." Saitou comforted her with the words before walking away.

After finished up his dinner made by Heisuke since Chizuru is not around, Okita went up to check on his squad. It was also a captain's job to look after his members, and prohibit them from doing action that will bring shinsengumi's pride down. Thinking back, Okita had been angry over stuffs…

"_Aoshi, no cigarette in the head quarter, I'll kill you the next time_ _if this happen again!"_

"_Tamaki, no gambling allowed! I'll kill you the next time_ _if this happen again!""_

"_Kasuki, I will confiscate these porn books, geez! I'll kill you the next time_ _if this happen again!"_

"_Yagami, what are you doing eating sweets? Later you will get out of shape! I'll kill you the next time_ _if this happen again!"_

"_Kaname, keep away from my room. I'll kill you the next time if this happen again!"_

And so, people in his squad have been disciplined well. Today's final stop, Hotaru's room. She was original living with two roommates but they were killed in a mission so she was living alone until new ones are recruiting in. Every squad has at least four rooms, three for underlings and one for the captains.

"Promise…?" Okita decided to hide himself to eavesdrop on Hotaru monologue. "I wondered how many promises he has made with me up till now…" Hotaru sighed and face palmed on her porch, She deepen her voice to imitate Saitou, "_Hotaru, I promised to be your friends and protect you from those bullies._" She leaned to the wood behind her, "_Hotaru, I promised I will get your cow back._ That when the farm went wild… and the other…" Hotaru frowned, "_Hotaru, I'll be back, I promised._" Hotaru sighed again, "promise, and promise… it's always the promises… Tou-chan you idiot…"

"Hey, you know you are not allowed to utter any bad or insulting words do you? I'll kill you the next time if this happen again." Okita came out from hiding; he had come to wonder what he was doing eavesdropping on a lady's monologue.

"Ca-Captain Okita!" Hotaru jolted up from her seat, "did… did you hear my monologue…?"

_If I said 'yes', she might go all blushy like what Chizuru did… _"No, I did not." Okita lied.

"I see… thanks goodness…" the blonde breathed a sigh of relief. _Wait a second… if he didn't heard me, how on earth he know I was saying insulting words… weird…_

"Well, captain's order, Hotaru, we have a mission. Get your robe and let's go." Okita ordered while Hotaru rushed into her room and get her robe and sword.

And they are out into the city.

"We have to get Chizuru back, Shinpachi-san and Harada-san had her out for too long and Hjikata-san was all nagging at me… what a drag…" Okita explained the task's objective.

"So… why do you choose me to follow you into this mission? They are a lot of people in the squad."

"You got a problem with it, huh? Well, go home and get someone else here!" Okita shot at her. _I just feel like choosing you, you got a problem with it, you female-disguising-male blonde?_

"Ah, I didn't mean that! Captain, you get angry so easily… come on I was just joking…" Hotaru pouted. _Argh, what's his problem…_

"Hmph, one more joke and I'll kill you…" they arrived the festival area and began to search for Shinpachi, Sanosuke and Chizuru. With little effort, targets were spotted.

Hotaru scanned around the festival. It was so lively and fun that she want to abandon her job and play. But she knows Okita will kill her if she did so she Hotaru just kept quiet. There were all kind of booths including games, foods, clothing and fun rides like the Ferris wheel. As Hotaru tilted her head to the top of the wheel, she can see Chizuru, Shinpachi and Sanosuke on the highest point of the wheel.

_That looks fun… Chizuru is so lucky… I want to ride too…_ Hotaru sighed to herself. _If only I am not in the shinsengumi now…_

Okita smirked at the blonde beside him, _she is saying all her thoughts out loud… hmm, that's Hotaru,_ "Well, want to ride? We have time you know. It's still way before curfew."

"Eh, uh, captain, i-"

"You want to ride it, that's what you said, or what you thought out loud. Come on." Okita went over to the counter and paid for two people, "what are you doing standing there like a log? Come here quick or-"

Hotaru took a quick few steps towards Okita and closed his mouth with her hand, unconsciously, "argh, I get it! Or you'll kill me right? Geez, you just can't quit the saying 'kill' habit-" Hotaru realize she just shut her captain up, "s-s-s-sorry! I mean-"

Okita opened the door of one of the wheel's room, and sighed, "Just get in."

Hotaru obeyed without any further protest.

_What should I do…? He is angry at me… definitely… why did I do that for? _ The silence continued as the wheel makes its way to the top. "Captain?"

"What? Gonna nag me more?"

_He is angry!_

Hotaru braved herself for the worst and bow slightly to the man sitting opposite side of her, "sorry…" Hotaru mumbled, "Really sorry. I didn't mean to do that; I just didn't like that word."

"What word?"

_The word that you said in every sentence… that word, _"Well… that…"

"Kill?"

"…yeah."

"Why?" Okita asked, but Hotaru stays silent. "Fine, it's okay if you have your secret past, I won't kil- I mean, won't kick you out of shinsengumi for that." _Why am I holding back saying 'kill' just because she asked for it…?_

They stayed silence for a while until the Ferris wheel suddenly stuck at the top. Hotaru feel sick, "why are we stopping?"

Okita looked down to see workers running here and there, a few standing near where the main control power of the wheel. "I guess they have a sudden problem of the power running in this thing. Everything will be normal again soon after they fix it."

"Is this some kind of bad joke…?" Okita turned to look at the pale Hotaru, "i… I can't stay in this… here…"

It took a while for Okita to figure it out, "Hotaru, are you…"

"I am not scared of height!"

"You just said it yourself." Okita sweat dropped, "so you are scared of height?" he received no answer. Hotaru had her eyes closed and was curling herself in her seat. "I… I am just scared this thing might fell off any moment- ahh- Captain don't move or you will make it sway-" Okita moved from his seat and sit beside her.

"If this thing fell, I will catch you, don't worry." Okita said. Hotaru feels like she can trust him even when Okita did not do a promise on what he said. _What's this feeling… can someone heartbeat skipped so fast because of afraid of height? _"Just open your eyes and enjoy the view while you can."

"I don't want to… I know I am such a coward… just open the door and push me out…" Hotaru feels her ears heating up when Okita's hand grabbed hers, "just open your eyes, we are not falling anywhere."

_Captain… is holding my hand. He is trying to make me feel better… i… i… what should I do...?_

"Hotaru!" Hotaru's eyes snapped open from her deep thought; Okita's voice cleared her doubt. "Good, keep your eyes open like that." She didn't feel like closing her eyes anymore. The sight was beautiful, night sky glowing from the light of fireworks. Clenching hard on Okita's hand made her fear of height go away. "It's beautiful."

"That's why I asked you to open your eyes; you wouldn't want to miss this." Okita leaned back at the chair. Hotaru looked at Okita, "I don't really mind if I didn't see the view…"

"Hmmm… but I thought that's what a gi-" Okita stopped, "A girly boy like you would like to see." _I nearly give out my secret I know she is a woman…_

"Sh-shut up! Since when have I ever act like a woman?" Hotaru protested. Okita laughed, "Since when have not you act like a woman…?" they stared at each other, no words, just stare.

_What is he staring at… move away, captain, don't stare at me… _Hotaru thought her heart beating so strong that it might have cause an earthquake.

_Hotaru… why didn't notice she is a woman before… comparing to the past… I can't just treat her as a mere underling now… so this is how a woman looks like from close… so… pretty…_

To be continued…

****Rikuloverforever: next chapter is about Gion too… sorry if it's meaningless... I will try my best to type a lot in a day and post soon!**

**Okita: quit apologizing, it's annoying.**

**Rikuloverforever: I am sorry…**

**Okita: not again!**

**Rikuloverforever: oh, uh, sor-**

**Okita: hush!**

****there is a few fics I read about dumb blonde… how insulting… Btw, while Hotaru is blonde, I am not. Just want to make things clear. That's it for now, Merry Christmas!**

****Review?**


	7. Chapter 7

****another chapter is up. Still thinking of Hotaru's reaction and wondering what she'll do when she find out Okita's tuberculosis… have been playing a lot of scenes in my mind… that part will be up… soon. **

****Chizuru, Hotaru, Hikaru, and Kaoru… look at all the 'ru's… I should have been more creative when come to naming…*sigh* anyway, I got this festival idea from GinTama, not copying anything though.**

CHAPTER 7 (UNEDITED)

Hotaru feels uneasy walking side by side alone with her captain. She had been thinking just how on earth they were separated from Chizuru and the others. After getting off the wheel, it seems that Shinpachi had brought the trio to play more, not waiting for the two from squad one.

"Hotaru, if there is any booth you want to visit, feel free to do so, you might never have a chance to do it again." Okita said, snickering. He is a mean, a very mean captain that trains his students to the verge of death and enjoys watching others getting teased.

"Sh-shut up, how can I visit any of these booths? We are on an errand to bring Chizuru and the others back right?" Hotaru said, "I have tons of chance to go festival like this anyway."

"Really, not regret?" Okita stopped walking and stared at the blonde, "this is your final chance to answer if you want to try any games in here, or we're going out." Hotaru stay silent for a while, "…I…I," Hotaru had her attention on a shooting game, "I think I will try one of those." She walked over, while the host welcomed Hotaru, "want to try one of this?" he holds up a toy gun, "if you managed to shot down a thing, it's yours. Me, my clothes, my watch, and my sunglasses and not included by the way."

Hotaru received the gun. She aimed it at the medium-sized panda stuffed toy. _So cute… how can panda be cute when they did nothing but nibbling on bamboos…?_ She missed. She heard Okita's giggle beside her, "man, you sucks, Hotaru."

"This kind of game is nothing but lie." Hotaru walked away in anger, "I can't believe I wasted my time on this thing." The blonde looked, "Captain, isn't time to head back? We'll find Chizuru in the way out." They walked towards the way out but at the corner of her eyes, Hotaru saw a child being carried away from the crowd by a few guys. On the ground not far away from them lay a sobbing woman, "my kid… anyone please bring him back to me!"

"H-hey! Stop right there!" the blonde chased after the thugs and managed to get ahead of them and stopped them. There are five of them, one carrying the kid while the other have money bags on them, "let the kid go and hand over all the money back."

The one that carry the kid, seemly the leader, snickered, "who are you, kid?"

"I am member of shinsengumi under squad one, Heiwajima Hotaru!"

"What a girly name… you know, kid should not stay out late." Another thug spat, Hotaru recognized them from earlier, where they picked a fight in the street with shinsengumi patrol team.

"Comments on my name aside, seem that you didn't catch the first part, I am a member of shinsengumi, you bastard. Hotaru moved her hand to her sword and pulled it out; when she does the horror from killing a rasetsu haunts her. Kill… I am going to… kill? Again?

The leader thug dumps he kid down to the floor beneath and pull his sword out, "hmm… talking big for a kid…I am going to crush you to pieces!"

Before the thug reaches Hotaru he felt a slash across his chest and his own blood gushing out from the cut.

"If this kid is not going to kill you, I will." Okita grabbed the kid by his collar, "Hotaru," he thrown the kid towards her and a stuffed panda, Hotaru caught them both, one in each arm, "Captain…" Holding up the stuffed panda Okita gave her, Hotaru asked, "Captain… why are you giving me this?"

"You want it, don't you?" Okita said, "shinsengumi never forbids guys to have toys you know, like you and the rubber duck." Okita laughed, and choked. _That time… I didn't know she was a woman… we did bath together but I was too dumb to realize that she is one._

"S-shut up!" Hotaru looked at the panda, "this panda… yeah, it's for my sister. She loves panda. I will bring it back to her when I visit her next time."

"Are you guys really the shinsengumi…" another thug comment with a stupid smirk. "Having a kid in who cannot even fight."

It happened a few flash seconds, all the thugs are on the ground, some dead, alive arrested. Money bags returned to respective owners and the kid back to his mother. With a stuffed panda in her hand, Hotaru, Okita and the three others went back and called it a day.

The next day, the shinsengumi trains under the hot sun as Chizuru do the laundry, with Hotaru who was resting from her training. The well Chizuru used to do the laundry was quite a distance from the training ground.

"Eh?" Chizuru shrieked, "Saitou-san said that?" Realizing she was too loud, Chizuru covered her mouth, "is that true?"

"I hope not…" Hotaru pouted, "I haven't done anything that will make people suspect me being a woman… do i?" she face-palmed and thought hard, "nope, not even once."

"Don't tell me… Okita-san?" Chizuru suggested. _That time, it was Okita-san who brings Hotaru-san back from the fight… and he did help stopping the bleeding… but it was night… everything was dark… however… Okita-san might…_

Hotaru eyed Chizuru suspiciously, "Captain? But why…? Hey~ what are you thinking?"

"Uh- it-it was nothing! I mean… when you were injured… last time, Okita-san….. Blood… brought you… rasetsu… back here… and you know… well there is…" Chizuru stammered. _…how should I say this…?_

"Captain? But Tou-chan said he is the one who brought me back…" Hotaru said according to what Saitou told her.

Chizuru stopped doing her laundry, "huh? Saitou-san?" _now why would Saitou-san said that when it is clearly Okita-san who bring Hotaru- it can't be! Saitou-san knew Okita-san already found out Hotaru-san is a woman but didn't want Hotaru to know about it?_

"Chizuru!" Chizuru snapped out from her thought and looked at the blonde, "what's on your mind?"

_I have to ask Okita-san about this…_ "It's nothing, really. You should get back to your training."

"But-"

"Just try your best hang in there and be manlier. You'll be fine." Chizuru gave her advice and continued on her laundry.

Hotaru grabbed her sword and stood up from her seat, "be like a man…" she sighed, "I hope I can do this… " she begins to walk back to the training ground, "I can do it!"

"Hotaru, over here!" she looked over to a guy from squad 10 waving at her, "let's spar together."

"Coming." Hotaru walked over to the guy and they sparred. _I can do it! I definitely won't let father down!_

It was dinner time when Chizuru dined with all the captains. As usual, Shinpachi and Heisuke fights for their shares, Inuoe apologizing for such a scene, Kondo laughing at them, Hijikata sweat dropped, Sanosuke with some smart-ass comment, Saitou and Okita eating their meal in silence.

"Okita-san…" Chizuru called, and sweat dropped when everyone had their eyes on her, "um… that, I have something to talk to you about later."

Okita take another bite of his rice balls, "well, you can visit me in my room later."

"NO!" Hijikata smashed his chopsticks onto the table, "Souji, anywhere is fine but not your frigging room!" the dining room is all silenced now, Hijikata blushed and continued his meal like nothing happen.

Okita laughed, "Haha, I get it already. Chizuru, we will meet at a porch somewhere outside then."

Then, they were outside.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Okita asked arm crossed.

"Umm… it's about Hotaru-san." Chizuru answered.

"Hotaru?"

"Yes." Chizuru nodded, "by any chance, do you know Hotaru-san is…"_wait… if Okita-san didn't know Hotaru-san is a woman, asking him now is equal to telling him, and he might kill her as a punishment. The fact that I was asked to disguised as a guy is because absolute no woman is allowed here…._

"What about her?" Okita asked, waiting impatiently for an answer.

_I couldn't bet on this… Hotaru-san's life is on the line!_ "I am sorry, I forgot. Sorry for bothering your time, Okita-san!" Chizuru ran away.

"Eh, after calling me all the way here…?" Okita sighed at the running woman. "What is this all about…?"

_I just can't kill anymore… sparring, fights, and with the help of everyone I had grew stronger. But I just can't kill… everyone is so serious and loyal even though some are trainees like me… everyone is willing to kill to protect… brother, is this the right way of living…? Do I have to kill? Father… _Hotaru played around with a flower she plucked in the garden. She was always on the porch of her room thinking about stuffs.

"Go to sleep." Hotaru jumped at Okita's voice, "what were you thinking staying up late? We have patrol in the morning tomorrow." Okita reminded her. _Why did I end up here…? What was Chizuru going to ask just now anyway…?_

"Yes… captain…" Hotaru found shakiness in her voice, she coughed it away. "I mean, yes, I got it, Captain."

"Is something bothering you?" Okita asked. "You can talk to me about it."

_Eh… the feeling… that weird one that I have been feeling recently is back…_"its fine. See you tomorrow!" Hotaru slid closed her tatami door, shutting the captain outside. _Talk to captain about my problem… like I am going to do that…_

To be continued…

****Gonna stop her for now, working on for more.**

****listening to fiction by B2ST when writing this, very inspiring cause… it's a fiction after all!**


	8. Chapter 8

****man.. I actually had a lot of plans for chapter 8 and this one is like… plan 6? ANYWAY, I AM SO SORRY for not updating like… months? I was expecting this to be out on the February… like, 3 months ago…? Man, time flies… so, ummm… I was trying to cramp everything into one chapter making it messy and such. So I was like, 'why don't I make more short chapters to prevent mess things up?' so yeah, I am going to update more frequently… but like with short chappy! (Like 1-2 pages per chapter…)**

**** *sob sob* school is goddamn tough! Kendo was hell! Yup! Inspired by kendo this chapter :3**

-CHAPTER 8(Unedited)-

"Takumi from squad 5… checked." a booklet containing Takumi's profile was placed above the others who was cheeked previously. "Hiashi… checked."

"Hijikata-san, your tea". Chizuru called from the door and slide it open, placing a tray into the vice-captain's room, "umm, Hijikata-san don't work until you forget about dinner okay?" Hijikata just gave her the nod, the only thing chizuru needed to close the door back, giving him some privacy. It was too much of a work to sort out newbies and trainees profile so Hijikata had two other Squad captain with him in the room.

"Next is… this, Kagami Higarashi," Sanosuke passed the next booklet, "trainee."

"Newbies are people who are joining in on their own freewill, trainees are people who are forced to join, like one male per family for a few months and then leave because they can provide backup for us if we're lack of men… why can't just have all the people in for permanent?" Heisuke sighed, sorting the profiles around.

"Sure we can, with our small little base here," Sanosuke grinned, "let them use your room; you'll be sleeping in the yarn."

"Pfffft, I don't want to!" Heisuke spat, handing another booklet to Hijikata, "unkai, form squad 3, a trainee."

"Let's see…" Hijikata flipped open the page, "Unkai Kotaro? Isn't him the second son of Tsuji Kotaro? What happened to the eldest?"

Heisuke searched around under another pile of papers, "passed away from tuberculosis, 3 years ago."

Hijikata turned back to the booklet, writing something on it, closed it and placed it on top of the previous checked booklets. "Next."

"Hotaru Heiwajima," Sanosuke looked at the file's cover, "Trainee form squad 1." Heisuke whistled, "Under Souji? Must be tough."

"Hotaru… not Hikaru Heiwajima?" Hijikata took the file and read the biography, "that's odd, Heiwajima family only have a son, Hikaru Heiwajima…"

"Maybe you were outdated? They might already have a second son-"

"Hmm… let's check that out. "Hijikata went over to one of his shelf and searched around, then pulled out a book that contain family's name and location all over Japan. "Heiwajima Family, 4 members, 2 kids, older male and a younger female… older male Hikaru passed away quite some time…eh? Hotaru is the female?" Hijikata dropped his file as Sanosuke and Heisuke snatched around it to check the fact, "Ah."

.

"Ichi." Okita ordered.

"Men!" everyone in his squad screamed, striking the bamboo sword down from their head to theirs opponent's throat.

"Nii." H commanded.

"Men!" the moves were repeated

Hotaru felt a drop of sweat drips down her from her face. 'Sigh… I am so tired…. Why are we doing the same thing every day?'

Okita stooped beside her. "Hotaru," she straightened up, "You have problem doing this every day?"

'How on earth Captain sees what's going on in my mind…?'Hotaru paused for a while. "Umm… no, it just… um… nothing….."

"Really…." Okita looked at Hotaru up and down, "hmmm very well… everyone, 5 min break." Squad one members began to lower down their sword and went to grab their drinks.

Okita coughed for attention, everyone went back to their spot. "So, I have an announcement to you all. Next week, A doctor will come here to check on our health, physically and mentally. Prepare yourself and don't be late."

Hijikata was listening at one of the corner, "Physical body exam… Hotaru, let's see your secrets there… kukukuku…"

"Hijikata-san?" the voice startled Hijikata as he turned around, Chizuru was behind him. "What are you doing here?"

"Hmph… just focus on doing your work properly, chizuru." The demon vice-captain went away embarrassed.

.

"So tired…. I am so beat up I can't even move my eyeball now…" Hotaru sat down on the grass in the training area, "somehow, I feel very dizzy and I am going to puke…"

"Pregnancy?" Chizuru, who was nearby doing laundry, commented.

"I might be- NO!" Hotaru sighed, "I am so dizzy I don't get what you are talking about anymore, Chizuru-chan."

"You better go see a doctor Hotaru; shinsengumi doesn't give a damn to people who are having a fever. Yeah, I mean, Hijikata-san might help to wet a towel for me, cook for me and…its-tis not like I liked it, it's just that- don't get me wrong, I uh, you know…"

"Urghhh just shut up."

"He he, sorry."

.

The town is at its usual state when squad 1 and 10 patrol for the day around Kyoto. Hotaru was with 2 other guy from her squad doing the patrolling; then there was Sanosuke with his two men.

"Captain Sanosuke. What's the matter? Is there something troubling you?" Hotaru asked from behind. They usual walking pace was getting slower as Sanosuke leads around, "what are you thinking?"

"oh… er… that… ahaha.." Sanosuke was searching the right word he can use. After what happened at Hijikata's room, how he and Heisuke together with Hijikata found out that Hotaru is a woman, there is no way Sanosuke is going to treat Hotaru like a guy… like an own fellow shinsengumi member anymore… "its just something… you don't have to be concern about it…"

.

Saitou's eyes widened as he looked up from his seating position to Hijikata. "Ph-physical examination? N-next week? Trainees too?"

"Exactly." The demon vice-captain replied. "So be sure to remind your members about it."

't-this is so bad… we are going to be asked to strip naked during the exam… Hotaru…'

To be continued…

****umm that's it for now, will update soon, playing Hakuouki dating sim ^.^v peace!**

**** I started on the epilogue of the story already… kukukuku, I know it's still too early, but at least I have something to tried to connect it to right? Bwahahaha…**

****ohhhh by the way~ my friend told me in the dating sim, Okita DID NOT get any tuberculosis… which is great, hmmm, so I don't know… still trying to get inspired on the confessing part Dxx I think I am going to twist my main plot a bit… then next time…**

**Review?**


	9. Chapter 9

********Back and alive, ahahahaha. That was such a nice… break? Sorry to be gone so long.**

**** Another one :3 thanks for all the previous reviews enjoy…**

****thanks to anyone who is willing to keep up and wait D: but the wait is over! . major exams are all over, now left puny assessments (^-^) time for me to finishing up all my stories :D**

**** this chapter might be a bit confusing since I haven't write this story for such a long time ., my draft papers were all over the places, and I was trying to get the story's feel back XD um… regardless, I managed to finish this chapter after all these months . enjoy!**

*** *from this chapter onwards the plot will diverge and following less from what is happening in the real anime :3 it will be more focused on Hotaru and Okita.**

Um, in case anyone forgets, up to chapter 8, here's what had happened(summary on main points):

-Hotaru joined the shinsengumi under squad one.

-Hotaru found out that Saitou Hajime was her childhood friend that killed her brother in a duel.

-Green ochimizu is introduced: a type of ochimizu that can make the consumer replicate its DNA and transform into anyone he/she sees. The only thing that distinguish Rasetsu (green ochimizu drinker) from normal human is the color of the eyes(rasetsu will have red eyes). origin of the potion is not yet reveal.

-Okita found out that Hotaru is a girl but didn't want her to get punish so he keep quiet about it.

-Hijikata, Heisuke and Sanosuke also found out Hotaru's true gender through trainee profile inspection, but they wanted to investigate the real reason why she entered the shinsengumi that's why they didn't reveal her immediately.

-Chizuru told Hotaru there's someone in shinsengumi suspect that she is a girl. Hotaru is asked to be careful.

-And, coming up next… physical exam week!

-CHAPTER 9(UNEDITED)-

After Hijikata told Chizuru to notice everyone in the shinsengumi about the upcoming checkup, Chizuru last stop in squad one's last member: Hotaru. Chizuru break the news to Hotaru in her room.

"Eeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh?!" Hotaru shrieked. Chizuru sweat drop and cover her ears, "you're over reacting…"

Hotaru walked around in circles, then stopped and turned to Chizuru, "you don't get it! I heard this once that during shinsengumi physical checkup the guys are check even at their chest!"

'Oh…' it took some time for Chizuru to click, "oh yeah! Naked! That's bad!"

"I know right! They will definitely find out that I am a girl-"

"Kyaaa! Hijikata-san is going to be naked?!" Chizuru blushed and covered her face with her hands.

Veins popped at Hotaru forehead, "chizuru-chan!" Hotaru sighed 'what should I do, what should I do, oh yeah I can- no wait, I can't, omg, what am I-' Hotaru felt a chill run over her spine as a huge bucket of water splashed all over her.

"Saitou-san?" Chizuru greeted, "what are you doing?"

Saitou emptied the rest of the content onto Hotaru, "Heisuke told me this is the fastest way for a person to catch a cold."

"Eh?"

Hotaru sneezed, and a drip of snot came out, "C-cold… curse you Tou-chan." Saitou pour another bucket-full of water on her, "I can't help it, and you have to be sick to escape the exam…"

"Isn't that… a bit harsh…..." Chizuru said, giggling herself

"Stop it Tou-chan- Achoo!" Hotaru rushed over to the cabinet to get a towel to dry herself, "geez, you two are hopeless!"

(Hijikata's room)

"I see... she-, I mean, he fell sick... it can't be helped. excluded him out from the check up."

"thank you." Saitou bowed and left the room.

Hijikata opened up a book and start writing his haiku, "guess I have to ask her directly then... Heiwajima Hotaru..."

(A week later)

Hotaru cleared her nose for the ninth time of the day, "I'm feeling so sick.. Tou-chan… why do things have to turn out your way…" Hotaru got up from her bed… "This room sure feels stuffy… I wonder how the others are now. They are in the middle of the check-ups…" she went over to the windows, and opened it, "guess I'll let some air in- hmm?" Hotaru peeked through the gap between the windows, outside, down the porch, stood Okita and doctor Matsumoto, "what are they talking about…?"

"-culosis." Hotaru moved to another window which brings her closer to the two, she get a better hearing this time, "its tuberculosis." Hotaru eyes widened in shock, 'Captain Okita… tuberculosis…?! This can't be…' Hotaru was too shocked to eavesdrop on anymore of the conversation, until she realized that the doctor is gone and Okita was all alone, Okita turned to his right, "How long you plan on hiding there?"

Hotaru gulped, 'He found me out!' she was about to say something when she was interrupted by Chizuru, who was now out from her previous spot, "Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdropped, Okita-san…"

'Chizuru-chan, it was her Captain Okita saw…I was saved…' Hotaru slide her window closed and when back to her bed, "… …Captain…"

(A few days later)

'Tsk… this isn't like me at all…' Okita walking ahead of the entire patrol troop with his men followed closely behind. 'Isn't obvious I should kick Hotaru out now…?'

Another walk around the city, Okita took a glance behind him, at his troop, at a particular blond. Lately, she has been trying too hard to be man. If Okita didn't know Hotaru is a woman, he might have fall to her actions. 'I could not tell anyone about it, not Hijikata-san, not Kondou-san, of course not Hotaru herself, this is so stressful... I could not tell them there is a woman in my troop. But if we were attacked, or should we fighting on war field, she might die. I should… find her an excuse and ended her time in the shinsengumi. Yes… that is what I should do…'

"Shut up!" Okita winced at the voice, then he was taken aback to see it was from Hotaru. 'Since when Hotaru become so rough with her tone…?'

"Should I kill you, you bastard? You knocked the granny over so apologize already, you scumbag!" Hotaru threatened, grabbing a thug by the collar.

"Oi, Hotaru," Okita called, "don't cause trouble here."

"Sorry, captain." She replied with a very cool tone and throws the thug down to the floor, spit and turned to walk away. 'How on earth her personality changes so much in such a short time? Is she really the Hotaru I know about?'

'Bwaah, that was so scary!' Hotaru thought as she walked away from the incident she started, 'urghhh, I do hope anyone who thinks I am a girl as how Chizuru-chan told me will change their mind now, I am not going to do THAT again…'

Just as the troop was walking ahead, Okita stopped, grabbing his chest in pain.

"Captain?" Hotaru went over to his side "Are you okay?" Okita coughed and covered his mouth with a piece of cloth. After the cough subsided, he covered it up with a fake grin, "it's not a big deal, let's move on."

When they entered the shinsengumi base, Heisuke came running to Hotaru, "Hei-Heiwajima Hotaru, Captain Hijikata wanted to see you at this instant."

"Huh? But…" Hotaru turned to her captain, Okita nodded. She mumbled "thanks" to Okita and turned back to Heisuke, "okay, I am going now."

To be continued…

****R&R will be appreciated, next one will be up prolly… idk D: um… can be range from a day to a year . um… so… will try in a week… ahahaha….**


	10. Chapter 10

****Chapter 10 is up, yeaaaaaaah! **

****actually this chapter is pretty long, but there is a lot of unnecessary contents so I erase most =.=' umm, it is sort of like the prologue to the next chapter so this one is not really that long.**

CHAPTER 10(Unedited)

"Heiwajima Hotaru, how long do you plan to keep things like this hidden from us?" cold glares attacked her from all directions as Hijikata speaks up, with him was Sanosuke and Heisuke in the vice commander's room. A drop of sweat makes it way down to Hotaru's chin. 'What am I going to do…?'

"I… " Hotaru started but no words follow after, "ahh…"

Hijikata closed the trainee profile and give out a big sigh, "tell me… what is a girl like you, doing in the dormitory of all males?" when no responds is heard from Hotaru Heisuke added, "Hotaru, you can tell us your reasons… we can help you… before Hijikata-san gets angry…"

Hotaru released her clenching fist, took a deep breathe, and replied, "I… I am glad I joined the shinsengumi." The three men were silently listening as she continue, "the base… is filled with young males, both trainee and newbies, the oldest I have encountered so far was Tanaka-san who was a middle-aged man." Unknowingly, she started to tear, "if dad was here instead of me… I-I can bear him doing all those harsh training everyday…"

"My father do not like to be embarrass thus he could not turn down the offer given to him the other day when the shinsengumi visited our village… Everyday afterwards all my father does in his free time was trying to make his way into the storage to get his katana out for practice… he could barely walked with his foot injuries, he even need the help of a cane."

"And who gives you the right to take his place?" Hijikata question silenced her again. "Hotaru, you're a girl."

'That…' Hotaru bit her lip, '…I know this is wrong from the first day I stepped into this base…' Hotaru pulled her katana out from her belt, and place it beside her and bowed to Hijikata, "…if you wish… Kill me."

Hijikata eyes widened at this. "What are you doing?"

With her head lowered, she continued, "Although I might be a girl, over the past few months I have the spirit of shinsengumi with me as well... As a shinsengumi member, anyone who breaks the rule will need to commit seppuku… so-"

"Wait a second," Hijikata stopped her, "I was just asking what is a girl like you doing in the base of the shinsengumi, I didn't say that you should commit seppuku. "

"… But…"

"Moreover, we have a war coming up, we can't afford to lose any single force right now. Hotaru, you may stay." Hijikata finished coolly, and thought to himself 'well… It won't hurt to have a girl to accompany chizuru…'

"I… I can stay…?" Hotaru mouth opened in surprise as she tried to cover it with her hands, "…Th-thank you…Hijikata…san…"

Hijikata sighed at this, "well it is okay for you to stay for a while for the time being but stop stammering that much you are being too obvious that you're a girl."

"oh-um- so-sorry," Hotaru stammered, then shocked at the glare she received from Hijikata, "I mean, yes sir!"

Sanosuke added when he sensed the mood is lighten up, "well Hotaru, as you know, in shinsengumi no girls are allowed thus you have to dress up as a guy, just like what Chizuru-chan did, and to be on the safe side just remained at Squad 1 for now."

"Yes captain!"

-3rd Squad-

Saitou dropped his wooden sword that he was training with, then stared at Hotaru with widened eyes, "you mean it?! Hijikata said all that?!"

Hotaru nodded, "I also had a hard time believing it, but… he allowed me to stay!" Hotaru cried out of joy, "I am going to continue doing my best-"

"Captain Okita!"

Hotaru and Saitou turned to the voice. A few feet away from them, lays an unconscious Okita.

-Okita's room-

"…" Grabbing his chest and restraining himself from coughing even more than he had to, Okita laid on his bed with cold sweat running down all over him, "damn it…"

Sliding the door opened was Kondou-san, "Souji, are you feeling any better? I was shocked when I heard you suddenly collapsed with your men found you outside the courtyard."

"I am fine," Okita replied, shortly before he started to cough again and this time some blood followed and Okita quickly covered up with a piece of cloth.

"Souji?!" Kondou went over to him, "you are not okay after all! Are you that ill-"

"I can still fight!" Okita cut Kondou off, "so… so don't you ever… leave me behind…. Kondou-san."

"Souji…"

To be continued…

****Um... that's it for this chapter, trying to edit and correct a few parts in the next… prolly up… sometimes soon…**

**Read and review?**


	11. Chapter 11

**Review reply:**

**Aogetsu: thanks for correcting my mistake! O.o *blush blush* lucky I haven't gone to Japan and call all the door 'tatami…' ahahahaha… and… Ferris wheel…. That thing exists starting in 1890s… so it's around 30 years after the death of most shinsengumi members, but it's a fiction .… I threw all my feeling and what I had experienced into the story (the Ferris wheel and most of the what happen during Hotaru kendo training was based on true story…o.O hehe)**

**Hailarabbit: hmm… I suppose you're right, but… he would be doing that less often from now on... so… yeah…**

****um… also, I would like to thanks my math and biology teachers for giving me the hell stacks of homework *clench fist* thank you very much; I thought I might be able to enjoy my holiday… now school's started =.=…**

Chapter 11 (unedited)

Throwing her wooden shinai beside her with her clothes all soaked with her sweat. Hotaru collapsed onto the grass, "I am beat…" the hot summer air blew passed Hotaru and messed her hair up. Sitting up on the grass, she tidied up her hair with her hand, and saw Chizuru standing in front of her, "done practicing?"

"Yeah, I am done for today? Need anything, chizuru-chan?"

Chizuru nodded. "It's about Okita-san…"

"Is he still refusing to eat?"

"…unfortunately, yeah."

"I see… um... I will try to bring it to him later then."

"Thank you, that will help, Hotaru-san."

The sun was setting as Hotaru brought a food tray with her and approaching Okita's room.

"Captain… I brought you your meal."

"Go away." Hotaru was taken aback by the harsh reply she gets from her captain. She wouldn't dare to open the door that separated them, so she just leaves the food tray at the floor outside Okita's room. "I'll leave it here." She proceeds to her own room. Due to Okita's sickness get worse, he had been banned to go on any mission with the rest of the shinsengumi members, even squad one is being led by Kondou himself now. It has been three months since the confinement of Okita.

'Why do things have to turn out this way…?' Hotaru sighed, deciding to take a bath to wash away her sweat. 'Tuberculosis… I can't believe there is no cures for it…' as she looks at her rubber duck floats around, Hotaru suddenly thought of something, 'wait… I am sure there is this medicine that can cure any sickness… what was it again… um… ori… omi… ochi…ochimizu, I think.'

"Ochimizu?" Chizuru repeated. Hotaru went over to talk to her. The two were in the kitchen, with Chizuru making rice ball for Hijikata's travelling the next day. "I don't think that's a really great idea."

"Why not? It cures any sickness, and even boosts your strength and abilities right?"

"Well… that's true but… Hijikata-san told us before, people who drank the ochimizu, in other words, the rasetsu, lose their minds and become beast… "

"…" Hotaru was speechless as her clenched her fist, 'is we do nothing, captain is going to die… if he drink the ochimizu and get better, and he would not be himself anymore…'

"Hotaru-chan… don't worry we will definitely find a way to cure-"

"Shut up." Hotaru silenced Chizuru. And when she realized she had been too harsh. Hotaru mumbled out an "I am sorry." before leaving Chizuru alone in the kitchen.

With her eyes wide open as she lays in her futon, Hotaru stared blankly into the ceiling of her room, "this is so not like me at all…"

-Vice captain room-

"Sannan-san!" Hijikata snapped, "I told you a lot of times before, you have to stop doing research on the green ochimizu! How many men in shinsengumi have you sacrificed to be your lab rat?!"

"Pardon me sir, but I just wanted to upgrade the red ochimizu that Koudou-san created…" Sannan adjusted his glasses. "And I believe the green ochimizu will definitely bring benefit to-"

"Stop! Just listen to me, Sannan-san. Stop making the green ochimizu." Hijikata stood up and left his room.

For a while after that, Sannan sitting in his position in the room, not moving for a single bit. "…tsk."

-Training ground-

"Taru… want to go for a walk with me?"

After training for another whole day, Hotaru were invited to go on walk by Saitou. She could not agree more. With the entire squad one being led under Kondou these days, they had been going out on mission one after another. However, Hijikata had always find reasons for Kondou to leave Hotaru at the base, such as she has to take care of Okita. But Hotaru knew that Hijikata was trying not to let Hotaru do too much work. Hotaru sighed, "Am I really that useless as a woman…"

The summer night air in Kyoto was not that cold as the two childhood friend stroll around the city.

"Look at this." Saitou approached one of the stores, "want some? You like to eat cotton candy right, Taru."

Hotaru blushed at this, "geez! Tou-chan… please do not treat me like a girl here while I am still in the shinsengumi okay?"

They went around the town for a while, at the same time, a middle-aged man was trailing them "…Hotaru…"

Saitou sensed this and quickly, he grabbed Hotaru's hand and they run around the streets in a maze-arrangement. Finally they managed to lose the stalker. "We are safe now, we lose him."

Hotaru let out a sigh of relief, "thank you Captain Oki- I mean… Tou-chan…" Hotaru covered her mouth with both of her hands, _what's wrong with me…? It's not like I wished it was Captain Okita here now… maybe because I am worried about him too much lately…_

"I think we should go home soon…" Hotaru mumbled loud enough for Saitou to hear. "I am worried on how captain Okita is doing…"

"Hotaru…" Hotaru looked up, surprised that Saitou actually address her full name. But what followed after shocked her even more. "Okita Souji. Do you love him?"

To be continued…

****Almost half way done the next chapter… stay tuned….**

**Read and review?**


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: have been getting seiyuu fever lately… I once dreamt to be a seiyuu when I am young, then ditch the dream… now the fever is back… I am not even a Japanese, who am I to be seiyuu DX *rain of depression showering down* latest addiction: Yuichi Nakamura (voice actor) *kyaaaaaaaaa*

Enjoy! Wrote this listening to Yuichi's song XD (Naked dream-Nakamura Yuichi)

CHAPTER 12 (unedited)

"I…" Hotaru started but stopped, _'I… I love him…?'_

She clenched her fist. "It can't be! I am a guy-" She stopped again, _'wait… what am I saying…did disguising as a shinsengumi gets into me…'_ Saitou was waiting her to say something, but she couldn't find the right word, "it's not like that…"

"Taru, I am just trying to-"

"Sorry… I think I'll go back for today, alone…"

Saitou watched as the blonde ran past him straight back to the headquarter. "Taru… just how much longer… do I have to keep up hiding my feelings that build up for you ever since we are young?"

Images of her spending time with Okita flashed through as Hotaru ran, 'C-captain… I… Do I really have any special feeling for Captain Okita…?' _the time their spend training together… the football match outside the shrine… the night when he went into the bath with her… when he got her a panda doll from a festival… _A slight flush formed on Hotaru's face as she recalled all the memories…"Do I really…"

Hotaru run passed through the gate of shinsengumi and straight heading towards her room, she was about to slam the door close but Chizuru made it in them to keep the door opened, "ah, Hotaru-chan, I… was… looking f-for you…" Chizuru said between pants, trying to catch her breathing after trying to catch up to Hotaru.

"Chizuru-chan? What's wrong?" Hotaru asked, the blush on her face was slowly fading as she kind of gets the feeling that her heart rate already went back to normal.

Chizuru was silent for a while and then she decided to speak up, "um, I am sorry to bother you, but I want you to send Okita-san his meal today, it is okay?" that was weird coming from her, and Chizuru is not the lazy type, but Hotaru guessed maybe Chizuru is busy with some other work so Hotaru decided to deliver them. Upon reaching the room of the former 1st division captain, Hotaru saw the door closed and carefully place the food tray down. She was thinking if she should call the captain or not and suddenly, a voice came from the inside of the room. "…Hotaru? Is that you?"

Hotaru was startled by the call. "Y-y-yes…" _how did captain Okita know it was me…?_ "I am here to deliver you your meal…um… please have some…"

"Leave it there." As usual, Okita refused to eat. Hotaru let out a silent sigh then stood up. "I will be going now… Have a nice rest…" as Hotaru walks away, Okita's room door slide opened as the brown-haired captain peeped through the gap. "… …"

The next day, as Hotaru was heading back to training from lunch, she was stopped by Kondou, "do you need anything, sir?" Hotaru walked over to Kondou and he handed her some money, "Can you help me go buy some sake, we ran out of it, and we need it quick, there is a guest here."

"G-got it!" Hotaru began to heads towards the town. After buying two bottles of sake, and on her way back, Hotaru get a feeling someone was following her for a while now. "Who…?" she turned back and ran to the path she went before, "ah…"

Standing there burying his face behind a long black cloak, is Hotaru's dad, Shizuo. "Hotaru…"

"Father?!" the bottles of sake dropped to the ground and broke. "What are you doing here… are you well enough to walk? Were you the one trailing me? How was mother? I-"

"Hotaru." Shizuo silenced her and calm her down, "your mum and I are both here in Kyoto. She has been insisting me to come and get you back. We arrived a few days ago right after I managed to walk a bit better…"

"Get… me back…?" Hotaru took a few steps back. "…why?"

"Isn't it obvious? You do not belong in the shinsengumi! You have done well surviving in the shinsengumi for these few months, but it is time for you to leave. I will contact the head and accept any punishment that comes."

"No… I don't want to!" Hotaru flinched slightly at that. She never talked back to her father. But the thought of leaving the base make her heart ache more than her talking back to her father, _'At first I get past Hijikata-san… and I finally thought I can stay for a bit longer…'_

The two fell into an awkward silent. Hotaru knew that if she were to say something opposing her dad's wish now, she will be in a huge trouble. After considering for a while, Hotaru decided to tell her dad her decision to stay but Shizuo speaks up first, "Two days."

"Huh?" Hotaru snapped out of her thought and look at her dad, "Two...days?"

"I am giving you two days to finish up any unfinished business in the shinsengumi. Meet me at the shrine that was built on the hill over the town, two days later with your belongings. Your mum says she wanted to visit that shrine before we go back."

"Father, but-"

Shizuo turned his back against her, "should you refuse, you are no longer a part of the Heiwajima family." He began to walk away as Hotaru stared at his back in disbelief. "No way… Father…"

Back in the base, Hotaru was limping around towards her room she was spotted by Kondou who Hotaru forgot, that he was waiting for her. "Ah! Hotaru, where the sake?"

'_Sake… errand… I won't be getting anymore errand like I do in shinsengumi.'_ Hotaru felt something tugged inside her, her eyes began to tear. _'I want to stay here longer…'_

"Hey, Hotaru, can you hear me?" Kondou examined the blonde up and down.

'_No more training… no more fights…no more lunch boxes…'_ A drop of tear escaped down Hotaru's eyes as she fell onto her knees.

"Is something the matter? Did they run out of it?"

'_No more… Captain Okita…'_ Without realizing it, Hotaru cried, out of her heart content. At moment she does not care whether her sob could be heard all over the world. All she knows was the days she can stay in the shinsengumi is coming to an end.

"Ahh! What happened? Ah, it's okay, we don't need it, we have tea to serve the guest. Hotaru, don't worry, stop crying…"

Working in his lab in dimmed light, Sannan took a small patrol around his underground room at all the tubes he kept his sleeping rasetsu. "Just a bit more… until I take over the shinsengumi…"

He proceed into another chamber, there lies a few unconscious men on the ground, tied up. Sannan took a syringe out from his sleeve and inject it into the one closest to him, "let the transformation begins…" the guy that have the green ochimizu injected in him then had his hair turned white and when he opened his eyes, it turned red. Then it tries out the special features of the green ochimizu and transform into Sannan, the real Sannan smirked, "Another successful transmission."

That night, Hotaru was sitting at the porch outside her room. Her eyes were puffy from all the crying, her throat was dry, but she does not feel tired. Hotaru was staring at the stars in the sky. "If I become a star… I can watch over the shinsengumi from the top…"

"Hotaru-san?" Hotaru looked up and Chizuru carrying a food tray, "ah… Chizuru-chan… is that captain's meal?"

Chizuru shocked her head and sit beside Hotaru, "this is for you. You skipped dinner just now and Kondou told us that you cried. Did something happen?"

"My father… came to me…" Hotaru summarized through cracked voice. "He came… to get me to go home with him…" recalling back, tears started to fall again, "Chizuru-chan… what should I do… I don't want to leave the shinsengumi yet…."

To be continued…

**A/N: Don't want to make it too long so stopping there.

Read and review?

Follow and favorite! :D


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: sorry for any spelling mistake or typing errors.

Chapter 13 (unedited)

Chizuru gasped as Hotaru continued, "Two days… I need to meet my father at the shrine on top of the mountain by evening, and… I don't know…"

"You are leaving?"

"Maybe."

"If so, who are delivering Okita-san his meal?"

"Can't you do it?"

"Well… it's… a bit hard to explain now but you have to deliver it."

"Why?"

"Try delivering it tomorrow and the day after… I 'll tell you why after I can really confirm it." Chizuru stood up, "well, it's getting late, see you tomorrow, Hotaru." Chizuru went away to Okita room; the food tray is there, untouched. Chizuru sighed and collected it._ 'Why Okita-san never eats anything I brought over for him?'_

Hiding in his experiment base the whole week was the 2nd division captain. "Soon…." Sannan stood before his rasetsu army now around 1000 people, "It was a great idea to re-modify the rasetsu so they listen only to my command… the entire Japan… will soon be mine…"

Night had fallen on the second day after Hotaru meet her dad. Okita was talking a slow walk around the base, as he walked past the commander's room; he noticed the light is still on and there are soft talking voices coming behind the door. The voices become louder and clearer when Okita went closer towards the room.

"I mean, isn't he being mean to me?! Toshi, what should I do?!" Kondou whined in the room, grabbing his sake cup and emptying the content. Hijikata sweat dropped and refills the cup, "Kondou-san, I know you're sensitive but you have been going on and on about this for whole two days…"

Chizuru, who was sitting in the room to accompany Hijikata, laughed sheepishly, "Well, the thing is… Hotaru-chan is not in a very good condition lately…"

"But, but! I am just trying to be considerate!" Kondou emptied his cup again, "How can he ignore me when I was talking to him…"

Okita moved on, away from the room, _'Hotaru? Not a good condition?'_

After she managed to excuse herself from Kondou's room, Chizuru decided to finish up some chores in the kitchen, "oh right." She proceeds to go over to Okita's room to collect his food tray, "oh."

Okita emptied his tray. "This is…"

"Chizuru." Chizuru turned at the voice, Okita was standing there, leaning towards the wall with his arm crossed, "care to explain, the meaning behind what you said, that Hotaru is not in a good condition?"

The next morning, Hotaru lazily opened her eyes, "it's today…" She slowly sat up and looked over to her packed luggage. Knowing staying any longer in shinsengumi won't do her any good, she decided to accept it and go home with her parents. "What should I do to kill time till evening…?"

Hotaru washed up and dress in her shinsengumi clothing for one last time, and went out to the training field with her bamboo sword, "guess it had become a habit to do this every day…"

"Hotaru-chan!" Chizuru ran over to Hotaru, but she tripped and fell flat onto the grass, "it hurts!"

"Chizuru-chan!" Hotaru threw her sword down and ran towards the whining Chizuru, "are you okay?"

Chizuru stood up and pat her myself clean, "yeah! I just have to tell you this first thing after I finish all my chores!"

"Uh, what?" Hotaru sweat dropped, thinking if the news will really be a shocking one.

"Okita-san finally eat! He really eats! He emptied his tray!" Chizuru hugged the shocked Hotaru, "Isn't it amazing?! He finally eats his meal these few days."

"Y-yeah…" Hotaru smiled to herself, she can felt her eyes watered. "Finally… that's a relief… Is he back to his old self?"

Chizuru let go of Hotaru, "the thing is… Do you remember that we have been switching role and take turns to deliver meals to Okita-san?"

Hotaru nodded as Chizuru continued, "I have been examined lately, and it was only when you bring him his meal that he eats it."

"Huh?"

"I know it's weird. But apparently, meal brought by me, he never touch it…"

"Eh? But why?"

"I do not know too… so… do you mind… if… his meal… today…"

"I'll bring it to him today!" Hotaru read Chizuru's thought. "I need to tell him something!" Hotaru clenched her fist, _'I need to tell him… I won't be able to deliver his meal anymore…And that he should not be picky of whoever send it from now on…Captain…'_

As Chizuru stared at Hotaru's back when she walking away, the brunette scratched her head, "I feel like I forgot to tell her something important…"

Hotaru packed some egg roll, few rice balls and a bowl of soup, cut up some apples and carrot for dessert, and placed them all in a tray. "this will do…" Hotaru went over to Okita's room. It was her last errand before her going to leave, Hotaru reached the room and called, "Captain… I'm sorry if I bother you, but here's your meal." She placed the tray down onto the floor beside the door; there were no respond from the room. "are you ignoring me like always…?" she wanted to swing open the door and take one last look at Okita, but Hotaru does not have the courage to do so. "… Captain… I… I don't want to leave you alone… It hurts just to think about not seeing you again…"

'_Do you love him?' _Saitou's words echoed in Hotaru as a tear escaped, "I…do…I… love-" Hotaru realized what she was about to say and quickly stood up and wiped her tears, "I am going!" Blushing, she went into her room and closed the door, trying to stop her tears, "I can't say it! I am a guy to him… and…" she picked up the luggage. "I can't be with him anymore…"

"I remembered!" Chizuru jumped while cleaning Hijikata's room making the vice captain jumped. after Chizuru apologized to Hijikata, she continued to clean,_ 'I forgot to tell Hotaru-chan I told Okita-san everything about her leaving... I hope she don't mind...'_

"Is it here?" Okita reached the top of the stairs build for anyone who wanted to head to the mountain shrine located inside a temple. "it's evening already…" Outside, a few kids were kicking their football around, inside the temple were a few adults. "is it not here…?" Okita had left the base early today to get all the way here after all the protest from Kondou not letting him going out. Okita sat down and watched as the kids played, and waiting for Hotaru to show up as he found out that she is meeting her parents today. "Are you really leaving, Hotaru…?"

As a figure slowly make her way up to the top of the stair, Okita was quick enough to notice this and make his way to the side of the temple, he peeped through the window built at the side of the temple, He saw Hotaru, dressed in a normal male clothing without the shinsengumi robe, entered the temple and head towards the shrine where a couple stands, "I am here." She called as the couple turned.

"h-hotaru!" Hotaru's mum hugged Hotaru, "oh, just look at you! I can' t believe this! How can you survive in the shinsengumi for all these months?" Hotaru's eyes softened as she heard her mum sobbed, still hugging onto her.

"Mother…" Hotaru hugged her mum back. "I am so glad you are doing fine" Her gaze drifted, _'Although I really feel like crying now… why… why are there no tears coming out from my eyes?'_

Her dad pay respect to the shrine, "it's good for you to come, shall we head back? I prepared a carriage; it's waiting for us outside the town."

Hotaru's mum let go of Hotaru and held Hotaru's hand, "Let's go home, Hotaru. Okay?"

"I…" Hotaru was about to say something but realized her mum was expecting something good, trying to tell her mum she want to stay probably wasn't a good idea. "okay…"

'_Hotaru…'_ Okita suddenly grabbed his chest. He fell onto his knees and coughed, _'why now?'_ he covered the cough with a piece of cloth.

As the family of three stepped out of the shrine, Hotaru stopped and turned, _'What was that…?'_

"Hotaru?" Her mum and dad turned to their daughter, "is something wrong?" then, her mum let out a small cough, "the air here is really cold…"

"I know, you'll need a hot bath after we got back." Hotaru's dad commented.

Seeing her mum coughing, Hotaru felt something ached inside her, the sounds of Okita coughing echoed as Hotaru dropped her pack,_ 'what if… what if Captain Okita is coughing now and needed help? I…'_

As her parents continue down the stairs, Hotaru stopped, "I won't go back."

Her parents stopped, Hotaru expected her dad to start screaming but her mum's soft voice speaks, "Hotaru? Why…?"

Feeling of guilt built up inside her, "Mother, I am sorry but… I just can't leave shinsengumi yet."

"why?" Hotaru shivered as her dad asked, "I thought I asked you to finish up everything in two days."

"this can't be finish in two days!" Hotaru cried, "I… I am worried about my captain! He is ill right now and he needs people to take care of him… I… I just have a feeling if I leave now his condition will be worse!"

Okita's eyes widened at this, _'Hotaru… because of me… you…'_

"you… choose that captain instead of your parents?"

"It's not like that…. I am just saying… I will go home after he is better…" seeing her parents with no respond, Hotaru continued, "so… please, let me stay by his side just until he is better…"

"You-" her father's tried to speak up but Hotaru's mum tugged his sleeve, "it's okay, dear. Don't get angry at her now… Hotaru, are you really not coming with us?"

"Mother… I promised I will do anything you say if you ever let me stay now… Marriage arrangements, anything! Please…"

Her mum went up a few steps to where Hotaru is, "but honey, it's a male base… your identity might get reveal… the punishment can be death penalty, that can bring huge humiliation to our family. If we leave now, your father will just submit a letter to notice that you left the base before your training session ended, and receive only a small punishment."

Hotaru bit her lip, _'In the end.. everything is about protecting the family's name and honor…'_

"Her identity would not be reveal." A voice came, the three saw Hotaru's childhood friend stand there, bowing to her parents, "we do have another female in the base, and I am also there to help her."

"Hajime?" Hotaru's father speaks up, "you were in the shinsengumi?"

"yes…" Saitou had eye contact with Hotaru for an instant until she quickly looked away.

'_why… why is Tou-chan here…? I can't… I am still not ready to face him… why…'_

"Taru." Hotaru snapped out of her thought, Saitou continued, "Didn't you always get help from me?"

"Yes I did. Father, mother, Tou-chan helped me a lot of times." Hotaru convinced her parents, "that's why please do not worry, I'll just get Captain Okita better and then go home."

Her parents were silent for a while, then her father took his steps down the stairs, "dear, let's go. The carriage is waiting."

"Father…"

"Two months." Her father said as he continued walking down, "if you are not back by then, I'll drag you back home, like it or not."

Hotaru's mum took an amulet out from her bag, "it's sad to think we have to part again…I actually bought this today and thought I will give it to you at home, but think of this as me every time you miss mama, okay?"

"I will." Hotaru gave her mum one final hug as her mum walked over side-by-side with her father. Hotaru hung the amulet on her neck. "Take care… Father, mother… Thank you."

Saitou grabbed Hotaru's pack which is on the ground, "let's go back, Taru."

"ah, Tou-chan… I…"

"You… are you still thinking about what happened that day?" Saitou asked and sighed as he guessed correct, "how much longer are you going to stay glued in the past?"

"But…you…"

"Forget I ever say anything." Saitou walked down the stair. "can't be lingering around here, can you? You only have two months to spare."

"Oh yeah!" Hotaru began to walk down the stair following Saitou.

'_I did the right thing… I will continue to help you from now on, Hotaru…'_ Saitou smiled to himself as Hotaru stubbornly trying to snatch the pack back from Saitou.

Okita watched as the two childhood friends walked down the stair, before he started heading back to the base himself. _'Hajime-kun… he knows Hotaru is a girl… I hoped he didn't tell Hotaru I know I had a girl in my troop…'_

To be continued…


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: deleted chapter 9 [the one about the notice] so chapter 14 is chapter 13, chapter 13 is chapter 12… what? =.=' um… updated new chapter 13 yesterday and today chapter 14. So in case anyone stopped at chapter 13 last times, that was actually chapter 12 now… um… so that particular reader should start off at chapter 13… yeah…

Chapter 14

Saitou went to Sannan's room to take a quick visit, "Sannan-san do you know of a way that can treat patient with tuberculosis?"

"How rare, Hajime-kun, is this regarding Okita?"

"Yes."

"I see…" Sannan adjusted his glasses, "well… I do not really have any recommendation but… how about the ochimizu?"

Saitou's eyes narrowed at the taboo word, "I don't think was such a good idea… If Hijikata or Kondou finds out about this..."

"They'll just have to not notice it at the first place." Sannan took out a glass tube from his pocket. "I am sure Okita-san can be cure using this… green ochimizu."

In the next day afternoon, Chizuru found Hotaru in the dojo meditating. Hotaru stood up when she realized Chizuru is cleaning the floor, "need help?"

"It's okay; this is my job… why were you meditating?" Chizuru asked, draining the soaked towel into a bucket and start cleaning the floor.

Hotaru sat beside Chizuru with her leg crossed, "sometimes it's great to build up our mental state too you know."

"You just don't want to do physical swings right?"

"Busted…" Hotaru sighed and took a sip of her drink from her water bottle, "I did some in the morning… I am slacking off now."

It was a few days after Hotaru's parents decided to leave her at the shinsengumi. in the past few days, she had been asking around the town for a cure for tuberculosis, but there were no fruitful result.

Saitou stepped into the dojo, greeted by the two girls and turned to Hotaru, "Come with me for a second."

When the two were outside Saitou make sure no one was around, he was also hesitating for a while. "Say, Taru…"

"What is it?" Hotaru asked while adjusting her robe after sitting down on the floor for a long time. Saitou slowly pulled out the green ochimizu that Sannan handed over to him. "This…" He held it in his hand for a while until Hotaru took it away, "... is green ochimizu."

"YOU SERIOUS-" Hotaru put a hand over her own mouth then whispered, "Are you serious?" Saitou nodded. Hotaru looked at the glowing green liquid, "unbelievable… I thought Hijikata-san banned the production of it as the people who drank this all went out of control."

"I thought so too. However Sannan said this might be the only way to save Okita from the tuberculosis… there's a chance he might recover."

Hotaru clenched on the tube, "well… there might be a chance where he will went out of control too."

"Yeah, that too."

In his room Sannan was writing his entire plan down onto a book. "Let's see now… I think I will attack… at this date?" He checks his calendar. "Hmm…" Sannan then stopped writing for a while, "I think I should include Okita-san into my rasetsu army member…provided if he drink the ochimizu…" he scribbled a small man at the side, "alright, perfect… "

One night, Hotaru come to Okita's room late to pick up the meal, and she notice Okita's door were opened, the captain was sitting lazily and staring out the window. "Captain?"

Okita doesn't seem startled at the voice, "it's you. Hotaru… do you mind sparring a few moments with me?" It was rare to see Okita these days as he always locked himself up, so Hotaru walked into the room and sit near Okita and ask him of the matter.

Okita turns and silently stares at her with a melancholic grin. "It's been a while since we were last together like this huh…"

"I guess so…" Hotaru fidgeted in her seat, she somehow felt pampered again, having her captain right beside her. During the past months they have grown to get to know each other personally before Okita were diagnosed with tuberculosis, and Hotaru noticed he is uneasy. "Captain… are you sure you are okay…?"

"Who knows…? I just… I have been doing a lot of thinking lately…" trying to tease Hotaru like the old times, Okita pulls Hotaru's chin over and whispers to her sardonically, "what would happen if I died? Will you... miss me?"

He was shocked at her response. He was expecting the girl to back away, screaming at him not to joke about things like that, but he was not expecting this. Hotaru suddenly release a silent tear from one of her eyes, and shocked by her action she try to pull away. "Ah, this is… I am sorry… I just… can't believe you will say something like that…" Hotaru wiped her tear away, "I don't want captain to die… so please don't say that again… I will definitely save you…"

Okita is comforted by Hotaru's raw emotions towards him and pulls her into a tight embrace and says, "Hotaru…I don't want to die either..."

The two of them stayed like that for a while, until Okita decided to let go, "uh, I am sorry. I guess it must be weird hugging another guy."

"Erm…"Hotaru quickly backed away from embarrassment, her movement led to the tube escaped her cloth and fell onto the floor, rolled beside Okita. Okita retrieved the tube. "What's this?"

"This is nothing!" Hotaru tried to take it back but failed. She knows her captain will never give it up. "It's… green ochimizu…"

Staring at it unbelievably Okita slowly trying to connect everything together, "is it for me?"

Hotaru nodded slightly, "but… you do not really have to take the risk… Tou- I mean, Saitou-san said the alternate outcome is very bad and the chance of that happening is higher too…"

"I see…" Okita slipped the tube into his cloth, "well, I guess I won't be drinking it now then."

"Huh? But… you are going to keep it?"

"Just in case… I might drink it when I feel like it." Seeing a not satisfy Hotaru, Okita chuckled, "I am just kidding, I won't drink it without telling you."

"Okay…" Hotaru feel assured, "I just wanted to be there for you whenever I can, captain…"

"About that… I am not your captain anymore, am I?" Okita smirked, "don't call me that anymore."

"But then, what should I-"

"Souji. Souji sounds good."

"…" Hotaru blushed at the thought of calling her captain by his name, "s-s-sou…Souji…"

Okita laughed, "look at you, that was hilarious… well I had plenty of fun today and now I am feeling tired…" He yawned and slipped under his blanket. "I am going to catch some 'Z's. Good night."

"Ah, right! Good night!" Hotaru blew out the candle and closed the door for Okita, she collected the tray that was left idle on the floor and began walking to the kitchen to deliver the tray, "Good night… Souji."

The next morning when Hotaru was still asleep, the sliding open of her door woke her up, "Hotaru we have a job. Squad 1 is to assemble in 15 minutes!" One of her squad mate called, slipping into his robe and ran away in a hurry.

"Alright… " Hotaru got up from her futon, "I wonder what this is all about…?"

To be continued…


End file.
